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8 officially licensed WTF?! products

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It’s natural for videogame companies to get a little marketing-happy. Hell, if we had a popular franchise, we’d whore it out as much as we could too. (By the way, make sure to check out GamesRadar for all your gaming-related needs!) Anyway, we’ve stumbled upon so much dreadful, officially licensed merchandise over the years, we couldn’t help but laugh at how poorly they portrayed the games they were based on. Get ready to bask your eyes in the most confusing products that ever marketed a game.



Image courtesy of www.themushroomkingdom.net

Nintendo Cereal System

What is this crap?

A diabetes-trap starring two of your favorite NES franchises - Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda - each with their own cereal, in one funderful box of sugar.

WTF?

Even with cereal-specific shapes like Goombas and Heart Pieces, the marketing geniuses at Ralston Cereals (now known for producing dog food) distinguish the two incredibly different flavors as “fruity” and “berry” - which is kinda like saying “food group” and “part of food group.” We never thought that a balanced breakfast would perfectly embody the spirit of Mario’s platforming and Link’s quest for the master sword - but yup, it’s true. Consuming cereal is totally like playing your NES. Now finish eating your billboard, kids.

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20 comments

  • yoshilover1 - May 20, 2011 10:03 p.m.

    second!
  • Halloffamer - October 26, 2009 2:25 a.m.

    Wat is up with the sonic helmet he runs faster then anyone can ride a bike and he didnt wear a helment
  • AA95mp - August 31, 2009 6:59 p.m.

    that hentai is disturbing. and lol at gaypenguinmans comment.
  • egregious - July 30, 2009 6:41 p.m.

    I had a Sonic the Hedgehog helmet. :( I make no apologies!
  • Hellwilder - June 5, 2009 1:46 a.m.

    lol at Hentai xD I mean, those are things only disturbed minds draw :S
  • thephntm - January 15, 2009 12:06 a.m.

    lol hentai is for hornys
  • smellypeanut - January 12, 2009 12:51 a.m.

    Oh come on guys, like you've never masturbated to dojinshi before.
  • EvilInkarnate - January 11, 2009 8:47 a.m.

    Wow!! The Japanese truly terrify me. Between game hentai and the creepy pillow, the Pikachu car that reminds me of Ren with a cranked up Happy Helmet on, I hope to never go to Japan. The Mario cup though...?? ::shudders::
  • dynomit272 - January 9, 2009 6:40 p.m.

    want the pikachu car! want the pokémon cereal! both must be awesome
  • SkullSplitter - January 8, 2009 7:03 p.m.

    Hey, who wouldn't want Pikachu car? LOL
  • CashWheel - December 27, 2008 8:57 p.m.

    First!
  • comm22 - September 2, 2009 1:08 p.m.

    i fucking love living in japan. theres a car dealership down the street that sells the pickachcu car and there are 2 different pokemon airplanes here too lol
  • Gaypenguinman - July 31, 2009 4:46 a.m.

    The last thing i would ever expect is a drive-by from a pikachu car.
  • uz_mike222 - July 28, 2009 9:56 p.m.

    i agree with you entirely on both things ranzatsu, its basically get bitched slapped by a dog. its creepy and humiliating at the same time. but i will give the Japanese one thing: Godzilla.
  • ranzatsu - July 28, 2009 11:47 a.m.

    Japanese people creep me out. Someone I know read one of those doujinshi of Tifa and Aerith making out and to add up the horror, Cloud was watching. Freaky, huh? And the Tetris board should be given to retards, not actual human society. No offense.
  • Squall5005 - May 12, 2009 2:06 p.m.

    I know this is an old article but it annoys me that you have slated the Tetris board game. If you had done your research you would know that it was a board game that inspired Tetris, not the other way around. The game was is called 'Pentomino' and the idea of the game is to fill the given field without leaving any gaps or spaces. Alexey Pazhitnov was inspired by 'Pentomino' and eventually created out beloved 'Tetris' So Tetris is infact the Anti-Pentomino. I do love Tetris and I still play it to this day. But the fact that you seem to be so angry about this board game would make me think you too are a big tetris fan. But your limited knowledge suggests otherwise. I do agree that this would make an terrible birthday present.
  • SheetSandwich - January 11, 2009 11:47 p.m.

    The Japenese are sick, psycotic, sexualy repressed freaks. It's a generalization, but it stands true in this case.
  • thatonekid1995 - January 10, 2009 7:10 a.m.

    The first 7 pages were alright but then page 8 was extremely uncomfortable especially when being observed with your younger brother at side
  • norcemastero - January 10, 2009 2:55 a.m.

    i'd like to snag a copy or to of that doujinshi
  • Catherine - January 9, 2009 5:28 p.m.

    There was some better Nintendo cereal. It was Pokemon cereal. It had marshmallows!

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