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7 dumbass things everyone will do when they play Natal

Microsoft's Natal technology promises advanced gesture, facial and voice recognition. It's application in games could open up a whole new wonder playground of hitherto impossible possibilities. Like pretending to drive a car with an invisible steering wheel. Awesome. Of course, for the assholes among us, Natal will offer the chance for some first-class dicking about.

The first recorded case of a Natal 'bumming' has already happened, so we've put together a list of seven other stupid, pointless and comprehensively juvenile things gamers who are easily entertained will inevitably end up doing when they have their first go on Natal.


Flip the bird


 
Above: Even little kids love the finger

Natal can identify individual fingers, so games utilizing the technology should be fully middle-finger compatible.


Do kung-fu-inspired fighting 'moves'


 
Above: Kind of like this. Kind of 

There is something satisfying about pretending to be skilled in the martial arts. This will involve punching through thin air with claw hands while performing a geriatric high kick and screaming "eeeeeeyyyyaaaaaaa".


Pretend to have a wank


 
Above: Finger penises are funny

If not actually having a wank, then no man will be able to resist the urge to simulate the act of vigorous personal refreshment using Natal. Even vinegar stroke expressions should be transferable to an avatar's face thanks to the facial recognition wizardry. We expect we'll spend a considerable amount of time trying to make a convincing penis using our finger.


Dance like a twat


 
Above: Perfect your moon walk technique and this could be your avatar

Body-popping. Moon walking. Doing the running man. The fun will know no boundaries. Although those boundaries will probably not exceed four minutes.


Tell a game to "go f*** yourself"


 
Above: Sweary words make Milo sad 

A natural evolution from simply typing the offensive command in primitive old-school text adventures.


Fondle the breasts of female player two


 
Above: A game that is probably not coming to Natal ever

Because this will involve actually touching the breasts of a real woman. Unless female player two is in fact a man just pretending to be a woman. Which is quite likely.


Look at the bottom of an avatar's shoe


 
Above: Yes. We're still thinking about it

And shouting "BAM". Obviously.

April 19, 2010

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24 comments

  • lovinmyps3 - April 21, 2010 2:57 a.m.

    BAM!
  • american101 - April 20, 2010 7:56 p.m.

    Its sad that alot of people will be doing that too. Hell if being a dick while using the new natal will work wonders for my mental anguish, i don't want to be proven wrong.
  • Zeb364 - April 20, 2010 7:34 p.m.

    I love the Milo one. Not even really sure why. I just really find it funny.
  • philipshaw - April 20, 2010 1 p.m.

    Giving it the finger and swearing at it is the 1st thing I will do because it won't work
  • Cyberninja - April 20, 2010 12:10 a.m.

    i wonder what milo would do if people were having intercourse in front of him
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - April 19, 2010 11:51 p.m.

    What about abusing it with sock puppets and costumes?
  • Cwf2008 - April 20, 2010 3:27 a.m.

    Can i teabag someone with Natal? Because if i just killed some asshole in Halo 4, i better be able to teabag that asshole
  • Redeater - April 19, 2010 11:44 p.m.

    WABAM!
  • Modroneman - April 19, 2010 9:42 p.m.

    Loved the Pretend to have a wank picture! Since you hear so many stories of people getting banned for doing things like the helicopter, I can't see this making things any better! This article is so true... its sad.
  • DriveShaft - April 19, 2010 8:07 p.m.

    'Tell a game to go Fuck itself" just like Hey You Pikachu....
  • WillisTron - April 19, 2010 7:37 p.m.

    I'm skeptical about how this could affect "real" games. So far the only real use I see is pointless mini games. One thing for sure though, I will be very entertained dancing around and doing ridiculous things as my avatar (at least for a little bit)
  • Link555 - April 19, 2010 7:26 p.m.

    natal looks ok, but i want the sony move
  • Howetzer - April 19, 2010 7:18 p.m.

    @ Soren. Exactly. Now multiply that times pretty much the ENTIRE idiotic Xbox360 install base and imagine what you've got. 10 million idiots wanking off on camera and lets not forget online!, sounds lovely.
  • masterj2k11 - April 19, 2010 7:10 p.m.

    I would like to see if it could read a sony move controller. Though natal would probably think it is a vibrator.
  • soren7550 - April 19, 2010 6:28 p.m.

    I think doing dumbass things would be the only reason why I'd ever bother w/ the Natal.
  • FilthyKillz - April 19, 2010 4:14 p.m.

    you forgot one: -Actually Playing Natal
  • n00b - April 19, 2010 4:05 p.m.

    i see a lot of ero games being made in japan (that will probably never make it to the us) well that's one way to gain sales in japan that microsoft so desperately wants. well done
  • Zombie711 - April 19, 2010 2:22 p.m.

    can you put natal in front of natal
  • Zombie711 - April 19, 2010 2:22 p.m.

    can you put a natal in front of the natal?
  • Persona - April 19, 2010 2:16 p.m.

    Yea I agree with allthegoodnameswheretaken BAM to all your skeptical teabags

Showing 1-20 of 24 comments

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