Now, I’ve never claimed to be fashionable. In fact, were you to ask my oldest friends, they’d say I seem to be making a real effort to look as close to my 14-year-old self as possible. And were you to look in my closet, you would find at least 16 Mario shirts on top of all the other gaming and comic book-related ones. So in the case of a fashion article, I’m perhaps the last person you want to look to:
Above: Fashion icon
But in the realm of videogame t-shirts, you should trust me above all others, as I’ve probably spent more on gaming shirts in the last three years than you have on Wii games. But I don’t just buy any old shirt; no, I have very discerning eye for this type of thing, one honed by years of practice and hundreds of dollars. Now I’m going to share some of that knowledge with you, via this collection of gaming shirts that you simply must never wear. If you currently do wear any of these, please take them off. You look like an asshole wearing them.
Words on a shirt get old very fast
One of the first rules of game shirts is, with virtually no exception, never, ever have words on your shirt. It’s allowed for the logo of the game it represents, or if the shirt is of a direct screen pull from the game and said screen only has the words that were there to begin with. Outside of that, all words are verboten. If you want a funny shirt, the image itself should be good enough to get a chuckle. If it needs words to further explain why something is funny, then the joke wasn’t that good to begin with, and will get old to your pals even faster.
See those shitty puns and plays on common sayings above? Even if those are maybe funny once, imagine seeing that once a week for months, either at school or in the office. The joke has long since passed, and now the wearer looks like a hacky comedian who tells the same joke every time you see him. And with several of those shirts above, wouldn’t they be a better expression of love for a specific game if it were just the image?
Don’t wear something that uses the same tired joke
Even if something is funny the first time, it gets increasingly old the more times you see it. And that’s even more true for jokes that show up on multiple shirts, like the following:
Above: This is how people roll... their eyes... AT YOU
These compound the problem of the previous section. Not only are these shirts covered in dopey puns that only get lamer with time, but now people will have seen that saying on so many other shirts, the “joke” won’t even work the first time you wear it. The pun has already been used, recycled and ripped-off to the point of irrelevance.