6 game heroes who are actually massive dicks

Deviously being a douche in: Red Faction: Guerrilla

Won’t somebody think of the property damage?! Just say for a second we can overlook the dicey political vacuum Mason no doubt creates after wiping out the EDF forces on Mars. Alright, so the remaining residents will probably murder each other horribly in the ensuing power struggle, but we’ll let him off the hook for that. What we can’t stand, though, is all the collateral damage… usually done to innocent pipes and girders.

Seriously, Alec might as well salute every hard working craftsman in the world with the middle finger. He clearly has no respect for the concept of private property or the work that goes into constructing complex irrigation systems on Mars. The guy causes millions upon million of damage to the infrastructure of the planet and the properties he destroys would undoubtedly take years to rebuild. Still, as long as he gets to smash shit with his giant space hammer, everything else is just background noise. Asshole.

Deviously being a douche in: Splinter Cell: Double Agent

Oh Sammy boy. Where did it all go wrong? You used to be such an upstanding patriot. Keeping us save from terrorists while you snapped their necks in the dark. Unravelling shady conspiracies so we could all cheer on democracy that little bit louder. Killing trusted friends and releasing wanted criminals to maintain your cover. Wait, what? That’s right, comrades. Sam is a seriously naughty boy throughout Double Agent.

Tasked with infiltrating a terrorist cell known as John Brown’s Army, Fisher busts one of their members out of the joint to gain their trust and then, depending on the player’s choices, can off an innocent pilot, his boss and friend Lambert and can even let a bomb go off on a cruise ship. Hey, what’s a little mass murder on a commercial vessel? Sure, there were probably kids on the boat sailing to Disney Land, but keeping Sam’s secret identity hidden was totally more important.

Above: Sorry kids, no Mickey Mouse for you

Deviously being a douche in: Tomb Raider: Underworld

Please take heed of this moving pledge…

And now we know who that person’s going to be. Bitch.

Please send all hate mail, wrapped up tiger shit and letters bombs to Miss L Croft, 1 Croft Manor, 123 Fake Street, England.

July 19, 2010