22 things every gamer kid has heard from their parents

Which one is Metal Snake?

First of all, it's Solid Snake. Second, I get that you're making an effort to bond with me and I'm sure I'll appreciate that in my 20s. Right now, you're helping no one and I really need to... aww come on! I didn't even see that guy coming!

You'll never make money playing games

Look up e-Sports on your Google Machine. See Falat1ty, BoxeR, and Daigo Umehara holding those novelty-sized cheques for ridiculous amounts of money? That could be me one day, but not if you keep interrupting my training.

Your gaming friends are weird

What can I say? They get the job done. You see a stoner who hasn't changed his shirt in five days. I see a Tank who's pretty handy in the zone. I'm not about to sever ties because you're out of touch with my generation.

Don't you have homework you could be doing?

Technically, yes; and believe me, no one wants to finish that homework more than me. Thing is, this mission has been weighing on my mind all day, and if I don't get it finished I don't see how I'm going to focus on anything else. You get that, right?

Today's games these days take no skill

That's cute. So you memorized some AI patterns, mapped out a few mazes, and learned to jump barrels--sometimes two at a time! Such skill! Call me when you've platinumed Dark Souls 2, mastered Mass Effect's Insanity Mode, or lasted 10 seconds in a League tournament.

There are way more buttons than I remember

So much for that "skill" argument, huh? But you're right, there are way more buttons. That's because there are way more things to do and way more ways to do them. If it makes you more comfortable, maybe I can dig up Pac-Man through Xbox Live ... yeah, these "complicated" things can do that now.

I don't care if you can't save/pause your game, dinner is being served!

No can do. People are counting on me. Entire civilizations are counting on me! I can't just abandon the cause now and risk total extinction--especially not for Thursday night meatloaf. If you really think one overcooked meal is worth the lives of millions, fine; but those deaths are on you.

You should take better care of your games

These aren't delicate paintings, or fine pieces of china. The games were made to take a beating. That cracked case? It's a war trophy That scratched-up disc? Battle scars. That split DVD? It's a... wait... who stepped on my DVD?!

You should sell some of these

I will, when I'm older and need beer money. Until then, they are my cherished babies and I will never ever part with them.

Let your brother/sister have a turn

Why not? I wasn't planning to have fun anyways. That gigantic boss I've been training to kill? That rank I'm about to pass? That can all wait because apparently I've become your volunteer babysitter.