100 Reasons Fanboys Hate Nintendo

You know that mushrooms grow on shit, right?

The fluffy, mom-friendly Nintendo brand has abandoned its core audience. Or so say the die-hards who moan about Nintendo’s abandonment of hardcore gamers for little girls and the elderly. The runaway mainstream success of the Wii only makes the pill that much more bitter. To compensate, here are 100 of Nintendo’s most fantastic follies set to our trademark derisive banjo tune. Candy gamers, avert your eyes till tomorrow, when we’ll serve up 100 reasons fanboys hate PC gaming. Is nothing sacred?!

Engage in polite and lightly moderated discussion in our officialHate Week forum thread.

100 Reasons Fanboys Hate Nintendo

1. RAM Expansion
2. Pikachu N64
3. Hey You! Pikachu
4. Nine years of B&W Game Boy
5. DS Lite has different charger
6. "Gamers were bored before Wii"
7. Still advertising Wii Sports
8. Electroplankton
9. Watermelon N64
10. Controller Paks
11. Sensor Bar
12. Burying us in Pokemon...
13. virtual migraine
14. Super Scope 6
15. Solar Jetman
16. Celebs toting GameCubes
17. "My name is Reggie. I'm about kicking ass."
18. ROB
19. Excitebike don't work!
20. Mario 2 is a dream
21. Censoring blood in MK
22. Play it Loud! ads
23. Super fx chip
24. Luigi's Mansion
25. Friend Codes
26. Motion Controls gimmicky
27. Weak Wii hardware
28. No hard drive
29. 480p max rez
30. Lazy designers don't use touch screen on DS
31. Industry bully (esp. '80s)
32. Wii Fit
33. Game Boy Micro
34. The Wizard - PowerGlove scene
35. Weak 3rd party support
36. Same shit, different Zelda
37. Starfox Adventures
38. "High horse" attitude
39. Mario is Missing
40. Miis lack customization
41. Piss-poor online setup
42. GameCube modem
43. Expensive cart games (N64)
44. Letting Rare go crazy
45. GBA connectivity underused
46. Abandoning the hardcore
47. Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games
48. N64-DD
49. Still no portable GC
50. Zelda CD-I games (50)
51. The Dog from Duck Hunt
52. Red Steel ad - loser hiding behind couch
53. Wiimote condom
54. Wii have a problem
55. Media blacklisting
56. Wii Parties (evites)
57. Nintendo hates the environment (Greenpeace)
58. Wii marketing materials - 12yo girl b-day party
59. NES controller - rectangular corners
60. N64 Controller 'L' Button
61. GC Controller - kidneys, 1 bumper, etc.
62. Super Mario Sunshine Graffiti missions
63. Miis can't do anything!
64. Shortages - STILL?!?
65. Link looks like the elf from Rudolph
66. Real games, plz (magnetica, brain age, big brain academy, vision training, flash focus, picross)
67. Mario Party injuries
68. Old Man carrying a load in his pants
69. No online freebies like Japan
70. Wind Waker makeover
71. Lost Final Fantasy to Sony
72. Mom's Wii blog
73. Wii tour for soccer moms
74. Wii Photo Channel
75. You know, for kids!! (Manhunt 2)
76. Sailing in Wind Waker
77. Sailing in Phantom Hourglass
78. Sailing in Uncharted Waters
79. Cooking games
80. SMB movie
81. Hot Topic merchandise whoring
82. Gamecube handle
83. Crap RPGS
84. Iwata: "Customers don't want online games."
85. GBA cart batteries dying
86. NinjaBread Man / Annubis 2 / Rock n Roll Adventures / Billy the Wizard
87. Nicole Kidman DS ads in Europe
88. Finally got Crystal Chronicles
89. Crappy DS ports of big-name games (Need for Speed, Burnout, Call of Duty etc)
90. Kid electrocuted in Thailand
91. Yamauchi: "Our Customers don't know what they want."
92. Yamauchi: "[People who play RPGs are] depressed gamers who like to sit alone in their dark rooms and play slow games."
93. Yamauchi: "Customers are not interested in grand games"
94. Classic franchise not selling well - Metroid
95. GameBoy peripherals that suck: e-reader
96. ...printer
97. ...back light
98. ...front light
99. ...pocket recording studio
100. Glut of crappy Virtual Console games

Mar 26, 2008

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