Why isn't Home coming to the PS4?

Sony recently released a great big FAQ about the PlayStation 4, answering a whole bunch of questions about controllers and Blu-ray and all that. Despite that, there's still one question they've been too afraid to answer: Why isn't Home coming to the PS4?

Well, never fear, my fellow Home-ies, because I'm here to tell you: It's on its way. I think.

First of all, Sony's not going to leave their customers hanging. I've been using Home since it came out, and believe me, I've got ALL of the best gear. Virtual clothes, furniture, powers, I've got it. Yeah, it cost me a few hundred bucks, but that's a small price to pay for living in the FUTURE. Sony's not just gonna stop supporting Home. That would mean that all the money I spent on that stuff was a waste, and I know that's not possible.

Besides, Home's not even DONE. The Trophy Room they promised back when Home was announced? You know they've been working around the clock on since 2007. They're just waiting for the PS4 to come out. Think about all the crazy lighting effects that they can do. My trophies are going to look incredible. You'll see.

Haters? Haters, I'm talking to you now. I see you out there, saying unhelpful stuff like "Myeh, I've heard that Sony's not gonna be supporting Home after March in Asia. Myeh, myeh." Well, call me Carmen Sandiego, because I'm about to take you fools around the world. Did you know that in 2009 there was a new version of the Sega Freakin' Master System? Well, there was in Brazil. Because if you thought outside the Xbox, you'd realize that, just because something's not supported in one country, doesn't mean it's not thriving somewhere else. And Home is at least as cool as the Master System.

And, hey, you think they're not bringing Home to the PS4? Guess what feature was announced for Home back in 2008? Video sharing. And guess what feature Sony's touting for the PS4? Three words: video, freakin,' sharing. That's right. I know you Xbots can only count to One recently, but, me, I can put two and two together. Why do you think video sharing got delayed so long? Because they were wanting to get it JUST RIGHT, and now with the power of the PS4, they can. It's not like they'd just promise it and not have it come out--that's not the Sony I know.

You know what else is on Home? A little series, maybe you've heard of it. It's called Harry Potter. That's right, we've got Pottermore on Home, and it's awesome. You can get house robes and everything. Hufflepuff for life, man. Only cost me $8.50 to get the robes AND the cloak. They're making a new Harry Potter movie, and where do you think you'll be able to get the virtual merch from that flick? That's right: Home. So, obviously the PS4 version will be out in time for the movie. That's what we in the know call a “release window.”

Also, just think about THIS: Vita support. Yeah, they cancelled Playstation Room for PSP, but that's just because the PSP couldn't handle the awesomeness of Home. Now that the Vita's out, they can make a version just as fantastic as the PS3’s. It'll be your Home away from home. Oh, man, that's good. I'm writing that one down.

Plus, if I don't have Home, how am I gonna meet people to play games with? I've met hundreds of friends in Home. Sure, some of them try to sell me pills from time to time, but they're just looking out for me. Not like I need those pills with all the ladies around. Heck, I've even been hit on. It happened when I made a lady avatar just to see what it was like. I didn't hold it against the dudes. That's just how the game is played in Home. It certainly didn't open my eyes to aspects of my personality I've tried to repress ever since I went skinny dipping with my bros that one time. And, besides, you know where else you have a bunch of dudes trying to mack on the ladies? Clubs. That's right, and Home is like the VIP club of online experiences. Except, in this VIP club, I don't get tossed out after trying to sneak in through an air duct that wasn't quite big enough for a human being. In Home, I go right to the front of the line.

I'm not worried at all. Home is an incredible experience that completely justifies all the time and money Sony has put into it. There's no way it's NOT coming to PS4. Now, I've got to get back to my PS3. I started writing this when I stepped out the doors in my Home apartment, and the outside Plaza has almost finished loading.