Alan Partridge Critiques 2012's Best Movies

What did you think of Avengers Assemble?

Hats off to the marketing boffins who came up with the idea – characters unworthy of their own film bundled up into a movie supergroup. Like The Travelling Wilburys, but a film.

Brit Police Muster would bring together Bergerac, Spender, Lewis, Taggart, Burnside and a woman (TBA) but it hit the buffers because Jim Nail was being an absolute arsehole.

And The Dark Knight Rises?

Talk about dark! Moody low lighting and mumbling might seem cool but I could barely tell what was going on.

And Skyfall?

A Bond for the 21st century. Funny, I don’t remember ordering one – the 1977 version was just fine thanks.

Do you think that Daniel Craig is the best Bond?

Much has been made of Craig’s piercing blue eyes, but look again and you’ll see they also have a wet, rheumy quality that makes him look like he’s been crying or is crying.

And what do you think of the news that Disney is bringing out a Star Wars film? Are you a Star Wars fan?

Don’t watch Star Wars films. Not into Star Wars. Never have been. Couldn’t care less about it.

What's the best film you've seen this year?

A TV movie called The Karen Carpenter Story which was so engrossing I later realised I’d polished off a big bag of miniature Twixes and a loaf and a half of bread. Irony alert! Sorry Karen!

Do you go to the cinema with Sidekick Simon much?

If you like your movies accompanied by what sounds like a pig grunting, slurping and snaffling chips and chocolates, then I urge you go to the cinema with Simon Denton.

What are you doing for Christmas?

I’m going to hire a big Alpine lodge and invite friends, family, colleagues, associates and their friends and families to fly over for mulled wine, snowball fights and a big turkey dinner!