So who the hell is Matt Hazard?

The game's called Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard. It's a third-person shooter. It's coming out on PS3 and 360 early next year. It's being made by Dead Head Fred developer Vicious Cycle Software. But who exactly is Matt Hazard, where the hell is he returning from and why should we care? To clarify the first two points, watch the video below. To find out if we should actually give a monkeys, keep reading after the movie interlude.

So that's Matt Hazard. A dangerously macho, sand-paper faced, rough-around-the-edges gaming icon of a make-believe past. And Eat Lead is his glorious next-gen comeback tour. Or at least it's meant to be. When Hazard gets in the game, he discovers that there are outside forces at work conspiring to scramble his algorithms and make Eat Lead the final - and fatal - chapter in the Matt Hazard story.

Above: That's Matt Hazard as he appears in Eat Lead. Appropriately enough, it looks like he's in the process of serving someone a portion of hot lead to eat

We're totally into the whole washed-up-avatar-back-in-a-blaze-of-glory set-up. With it's homage to 16-bit innocence, kart racing spin-offs and gaming clich%26eacute;s, it's got undeniable geek appeal. While the hyper-manliness - and, we suppose, the unimaginative design - of Hazard is an amusing little poke in the ribs for all those butch, Marlboro throated gung-ho meatheads that have passed for virtual heroes over the years. It's a big gaming love-in and Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard certainly has a stink of potential about it that's hard to resist.

Trouble is, after seeing the game in action, we're fretting that none of that delicious, inwardly reflecting pastiche potential will come good. Eat Lead just looks a bit, well, not exciting.

I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.