Simon the Sorcerer 4: Chaos Happens review

Who writes this shit? The first thing you have to do in Simon the Sorcerer 4 is pick up a glass of milk and insert it into a cupboard. Sorry for ruining that for you. But don’t worry: there are plenty of other opportunities to combine Random Object A with Random Object K. That’s not a particularly unusual thing in the point-and-click genre, of course. But if there’s one thing a point-and-clicker needs, if only to stop players combining noose with banister, it’s a decent script. Simon the Sorcerer 4 has been written by a Pratchett-wannabe who thinks that humour equates to either a limp risque pun or a gag about our hero’s rubbishness. Oh, be still our aching sides.

The love interest also has aching sides because of her PAIR OF BREASTS. In case you didn’t notice, her BREASTS are BREASTY and these BREASTS have had more time spent on their sculpting than nonsense like faces or voice-acting. They’re certainly a better pairing than anything else the game comes up with. It doesn’t waste time on logic, preferring to make progress depend on bizarre combinations you can only discover through trial and error. Awesome! To be fair, after a few ridiculous puzzles you get a journal that solves everything, and a map that lets you jump around the world, so it’s not exactly onerous. But if this appeals, try smacking yourself in the face with the nearest two random objects. Feels good? Course it bloody doesn’t. Utter, utter toss.

Oct 16, 2008