"A tale of mythology, demons and duels spanning more than 15 centuries" is how Merlin: The Return advertises itself. And if you find yourself forced to sit through the thing, that's exactly how long it seems.
Looking like a bad example of school TV stalwart Look And Read (minus the educational bits, but with an extra 10p spent on crap CGI), this is a truly woeful take on the Arthurian legends. And the cast? You get the feeling that Rik Mayall was under some sort of Crap Acting Spell, but that doesn't adequately explain Tia Carrere and Adrian "I sound like a tape deck running down" Paul.
So, how best to describe this? Read with us: "It's a word that has some might/It starts with `Sh'/And rhymes with kite..."
