Life in FMV Hell

Tender Loving Care - 1998

How it starts:
John Hurt -yes, John Hurt (Spaceballs, Hellboy) -recruits you as some sort of time-traveling fly-on-the-wall psychiatrist who watches a Shannon Tweed-style softcore sex romp. There's a mental lady who doesn't want to admit her daughter is dead, her beleaguered husband and a sexy blonde psychologist who's been hired to constantly undo and do up her loose-fitting porn-blouse.

How it works:
You watch the (actually, quite well-acted) movies, snoop around a 3D recreation of the house and prepare for mild titillation at its most titillating-est. John Hurt gives you a psychoanalytical test every now and then on what you think is going on, or shows you a bunch of Edward Hopper paintings and asks you sex questions. That's right: sex questions. "Do you like watching people through windows?" "What's more important, sex or food?" "How much would you say you think about sex?" "Sexy sex-sex, sex?"

Really rude actually. Answer the questions in a certain pattern, essentially clicking the button that says "daaamn!" when requested, then you get to see naughty stuff. So if you've been a prude then you'll see the blonde psychologist with her bra on, and if you've been a wide-eyed sexpest then it'll be totally off. Who knew that the mysteries of the brain could prompt such fluttering of eyelids and panty-less uncrossing of legs?

Actors have also appeared in:
The mad lady has been in something called The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit, the woman who takes her clothes off has been in an episode of Acapulco H.E.A.T. and John Hurt has been in tons of good stuff, obviously, like V for Vendetta.

Rating - Fairly bad