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Let me preface this with a disclaimer: I don't hate Christmas. Nor am I a Christian. I admit that, in my house, the holiday has slipped into a somewhat gothic reflection of a dust-choked tradition that we like to call Cryptmas, but that doesn't mean I'm not one for taking part in the festivities. And what better way to get in the mood for roast chestnuts and big, beardy blokes sneezing their way down my chimney than a yuletide gaming session? At least, that's what I had in mind before my "Best Christmas Games" research hit a distinctly glittery wall.
Seriously, why are there no good Christmas games out there? Take a look for yourself – there are countless YouTube videos outlining the so-called best Christmas games, but not a single one captures the true essence of what I want from a Christmas game… that is if you can call most of them Christmas games to begin with.
Backlog burning merrily
If it 'tisn't the season in gaming, how about watching one of the best Christmas films?
First off, the Christmas game landscape is completely awash with platformers (and don't talk to me about the atrocity that was the Home Alone game series).That's some real bottom of the barrel energy in the world of game design. Ask any amateur game designer and they'll have made at least one platformer in their time. What that means is that the bar for Christmas platformers is pretty damn low. Just paste some fir trees in the background, spawn some nutcrackers firing chestnuts for the player to bop on the head, and, if you're feeling cinnamon spicy, make some of the platforms a little slippery. Boom, you've got yourself a Christmas platformer. But it doesn't really have Christmas at its heart, does it? It's just a frosty, reskinned clone of Donkey Kong.
I appreciate that some of the best games in the history of mankind have had Christmas levels – Banjo-Kazooie's Freezeezy Peak, for example – but can we really call these Christmas games? They're just a singular, snow-filled segment in a game that's otherwise nothing to do with the holidays. You can't exactly whip it out to play with the family over Christmas when it's usually locked behind several other levels.
I know what you're thinking. What about games that are set at Christmas like Batman: Arkham Origins or Die Hard? It might be hard for you to stomach, but I'm not entirely sure they count. While I have some fantastic memories of watching my Mum flail around the Christmas tree as John McClane shouting "Chase me, chase me!" and spamming his over-egged jump animation, I have to discount Die Hard. Go ahead and shoot me, but a backdrop and some light references to Christmas just aren't enough to make them Christmas games.
What I'm looking for is that cozy feeling of togetherness and giving that's so hard to come by in everyday life. A picture-perfect wonderland of genuine compassion and generosity. The true magic of Christmas, wrought in high fidelity across my gaming monitor. But no game has ever come close to capturing it for me.
I tried story-based Christmas games like Yuligains: Christmas is Coming, which you play as Santa's little elf helpers together with your family, passing the controller around. But while it's actually entirely Christmas themed and tries to gamify the story with RPG-like attributes, I certainly wouldn't call it the best Christmas game ever.
Honestly, the closest I've come to finding that magical Christmas feeling in a game is traipsing through the Canadian wilderness in The Long Dark, setting up cozy fires as the deer bleat and scatter about me. Sure it's a survival game, but it has a fantastic way of reminding you not to take things for granted. And you'll be damn sure to appreciate the gift of warm socks when it inevitably comes.
Alas, maybe there isn't such a thing as a perfect Christmas game. Maybe there never will be. As much as I thought finding it would make my holidays merry and bright, I suppose it's helped me to be more willing to make do with what I have. The things we have – games or otherwise – might never hit all the marks, but at least we can try to appreciate them in their own light. Maybe then we'll find a little of that Christmas magic in everything… Even Die Hard's dumb jump animations.
If you're looking for something cozy, these games like Stardew Valley will scratch that itch
