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Cheating the Pokewalker

After a little math, Pokemon site Bulbapedia has revealed that in order to unlock all the routes on the Pokewalker you’ll need to walk 1000 miles. While Usain Bolt may be wondering what the big deal is, that’s a huge distance to cover. How long is it exactly?

Los Angeles, California to Roswell, New Mexico – 1002 miles
London, England to Naples, Italy – 1005 miles
Djibouti to Narobi, Kenya – 1002 miles

Above: Usain's morning warm up.

While you could be a sucker and walk the 1000 miles (good luck crossing Ethiopia on foot), let’s be serious, the average gamer runs out of breath walking to the fridge. In order to preserve our glorious, pear-shaped physiques we’re going to need a workaround, so here’s a list of genius ways to cheat the Pokewalker:

Stick it to a paint can shaker

Above: There’s a tiny chance this will void your warranty

While lurking around a Sherwin Williams all day usually requires some basic Spanish, attaching your Pokewalker to the paint can shaker is a surefire way to get those Watts.

Glue it to a gym%26rsquo;s elliptical

Above: Always make sure to wipe down your Pokewalker when you’re done

If only there were some place where people walk all day, covering hundreds of miles without going anywhere…

Above: Kobe’s new shoe helps him get eight rebounds, 10 assists, and a leveled up Cyndaquil every game.

If you’re anything like the average office worker, you’re sitting all day, which can make walking impractical. Fortunately, tapping your foot is totally doable at a desk, just take care not to overdevelop one massive Herculian calve.

Above: This wonderous orgy of Nintendo products is too much for Reggie to bear

Don’t let all that wasted waggle energy go unharnessed! Tie your Pokewalker to the Wiimote strap and make the most of your 7th playthrough of Okami. Or for maximum irony, do this while playing Walk it Out!

Mar 15, 2010

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