Bella review

Jose (Eduardo Verástegui) used to be a soccer star, but chucked it in after accidentally killing a kid.

Now, hiding behind a beard big enough to have its own eco-system, Jose works as an NYC chef, until he impulsively quits in support of sacked pregnant waitress Nina (Tammy Blanchard).

Mere synopsis alone cannot do justice to the inanity of Ajenandro Monteverde’s gooey melodrama, which invites gales of unintentional laughter at its shocking predictability and cack-handed attempts at pathos.

How it won a major award at Toronto in 2006 is one of life’s great mysteries.