The Top 7... Stereotypical gamers we hate

3. Devil children

Usually plays: Pokemon, Naruto, Halo
Favorite snacks: Pop Tarts, dirt

If children are the future, we hope a cataclysmic seismic event topples our office and crushes us all under 360 power bricks. Sure, there are inspiring children out there who volunteer at geriatric hospitals and show disillusioned war vets that innocence still exists in a mad world, but the ones we're most aware of are the snot-nosed demons who vomit obscenities into their XBL headsets, abuse their parents, and probably torture orphaned one-legged kittens in their spare time. At least one out of ten of these sociopaths will grow up to kill a prostitute with the pointy end of a DS stylus, and who's to blame?

We blame the stagnation of natural selection. They'd have already been consumed by a harsh and unforgiving environment were it not for the Styrofoam padded, sugar-coated funhouse we live in today. Technology and civilization keeps them alive, and the only acceptable recourse we're left with is the unsatisfying act of assassinating them in Halo 3. It'll have to do.