Survival of the fittest
Even nature's most harmless creatures find ways to be badasses. Some can rip your arms right out of their sockets. Some are masters of camouflage. And some just breed so fast you couldnt eat them into extinction if you tried. The animal kingdom is scary as hell, and if you believe Hollywood, some species are just about ready to take over the entire planet.
Octopuses (Octodad)
The species: Loving father. Caring husband. Secret Octopus. Thats all Octodad wants you to think he is, minus that last part. Trust me when I say marrying into an unassuming, suburban family is no isolated incident for the eight-limbed arthropods. They're everywhere, embedded deep in society, just waiting for the perfect moment to rise up and strike. If our species needs spectacles this badly, then theres no telling what creature wed share a bed with. Just imagine: little half-breed octopi everywhere, flailing around supermarkets, slapping children with suctioned hands, leaving our lawns uncut. There goes the neighborhood.
Chao (Sonic Series)
The species: Chao share a lot of characteristics with human infants. In Sonic Adventure 2, every time your Chao is cared for by a heroic character, it grows more heroic. It might even don an angelic halo. If its tended to by evil characters, it grows more evil, bearing a devilish forked tail. Thing is, the longer you coddle them, the more you boost their stats, making them fly, swim, and run faster. Imagine a whole army of evil Chao that possess super speed and strength. Truly frightening stuff.
Worms (Worms series)
The species: You may have never seen heavily-armed worms with hands (or French accents), and youve certainly never seen little smart-mouthed buggers like these in your backyard. Thats because theyre all playing innocent until the perfect opportunity arises for them to dig their way to Armageddon. Its only a matter of time before they plow up the planet by the trillions, bazookas and holy hand grenades in hand.
Cyborg chimps (TimeSplitters)
The species: The cyborg chimp is a stone cold killing machine, one thatd make its zoo dwelling peers jealous. This is the Six Million Dollar Chimp, and its not a coincidence that it looks like RoboCop. Besides being oddly cute, its also a crack shot. Most chimps just fashion poo into a projectile, but these little guys can use everything from rocket launchers to freakin' 12-gauge shotguns. Holy shit indeed.
Wigglers (Mario series)
The species: Caterpillars are really no laughing matter when they're ravaging your garden, and neither are angry, bipolar ones with a tude. Don't take Wigglers lightly. Not only will they destroy your tomato plants, but they're also prone to crushing people like a living bulldozer. Blink the wrong way and these things will be tap dancing on whatever part of the planet they havent already consumed. All in stylish clown shoes, no less. Classy.
Toads (Battletoads series)
The species: The Battletoads were three, ordinary game testers transformed into giant frog men on steroids thanks to a rigged VR simulator. Much like what Facebook undoubtedly has in mind for the Oculus Rift. In between saving princesses and defeating buxom babes in '90s rocker leather, you cant help but wonder if theyre a little sore about living life as the frogs a princess would never kiss. Would they wreak their terrible vengeance on the VR sims that made them back home? Very likely.
Elebits (Elebits series)
The species: Elebits are electricity personified in all the colors of the rainbow. These electricity-storing vermin are the reason we have lights and Wi-Fi connections, and they look like that plush toy you had when you were five. Theyre also testy things, liable to leave whenever they darn well feel like it; if one day they decided to head for the hills, wed be helpless to stop them, losing our only source of electric energy. Meaning: wed be forced to physically mail each other memes that would be irrelevant by the time they finally arrived. Theyd come back all right, but not without charging you an arm and a leg for your electricity. Kind of how your service provider already does, except they're devilishly cute.
Pandas (World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria)
The species: Pandarens are exactly what they look like: badass pandas equipped with giant sticks. With brains, brawn, and booze to match even the best French wineries, theyd be horrified by the sight of their captive kin in your local zoo. Whats stopping 300 pounds of inebriated Pandaren from crashing through the bamboo forests and taking their rage to the streets? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Piatas (Viva Piata series)
The species: Why do we like to believe piatas are all good fun? Because theyre nothing like these piatas. Let's look at the facts. Viva Piatas are creepy, living creatures. They're planning something. Its only a matter of time before their knowing glances lead to something more sinister. Think theyd forgive us for all the years weve beaten the crap out of them for sugary snacks? Think again. How long until they make off with our young uns, Pied Piper-style, leading them to a sweet, unsavory doom in a dark alley?
