The Bad Movie: The most boring road movie ever, as an alcoholic C&W singer (Gwyneth Paltrow) goes on tour with her estranged husband, her lover and a rising star.
How To Make It Better: Presumably, if Gwyneth had married a thrash metal guitarist instead of him from Coldplay, she'd be rocking out by now instead of singing country ballads.
The Bad Movie: Liverpool fan Will (Perry Eggleton) runs away from home to see his team triumph in the 2005 Champions League final. So not much fun if you support Everton.
How To Make It Better: Unite the nation with the heart-warming tale of a kid attempting to see England in the World Cup final. Mind you, it'd have to be set in 1966.
3D Sex And Zen: Extreme Ecstacy
The Bad Movie: Big-budget porn comprising one-half joyless rutting and one-half misguided torture porn. Not a combo to get most folk's juices flowing.
How To Make It Better: A high-quality, well-acted and emotionally resonant hardcore movie remains only a theoretical possibility.
The Bad Movie: The arc of a subgenre in microcosm... The unanticipated hit ( High School Musical ). The custom-built classic ( Glee ). The desperate cash-in ( Prom ).
How To Make It Better: Pig's blood and telekinesis.
The Bad Movie: A trilogy of tales from Clint Eastwood about people with one foot in the afterlife. Unfortunately, nobody divined that Peter Morgan's contrived and sentimental script was itself bereft of life.
How To Make It Better: The octogenarian Eastwood can be forgiven for contemplating mortality, but he's best with a bit of action. So add some thrills; aside from the tsunami opening, this is mostly talking and weeping.
Johnny English Reborn
The Bad Movie: The belated sequel to the critically-maligned adaptation of the annoying Barclaycard ad.
How To Make It Better: Bond spoofs are so last century. It'd be more interesting if English got amnesia and the whole thing turned into a Jason Bourne parody.
The Bad Movie: Chilly couple Sam Worthington and Keira Knightley face temptation on a night apart. Apparently, we should care, despite their complete lack of chemistry.
How To Make It Better: Some insight in human relationships would be nice, instead of maudlin self-reflection from actors who struggle to portray inner turmoil.
The Bad Movie: Taylor Lautner - not so tough now you're not a werewolf, are you?
How To Make It Better: Andrew Garfield? Daniel Radcliffe? Even Zac Efron, post- Me And Orson Welles . Anybody but Lautner, basically.
Reuniting The Rubins
The Bad Movie: Heard the gag about the Jewish man whose children are a capitalist, a environmentalist and a Buddhist Monk? No - that's because it isn't funny.
How To Make It Better: Reuniting the Rubens - thieves steal F1 driver Rubens Barichello's collection of paintings by Peter Paul Rubens, and now he's mad as hell and wants them back.
The Bad Movie: If she was a student, slutty teach Elizabeth (Cameron Diaz) would be in detention - and so should whoever let this promising scenario degenerate into Diaz doing her crude tomboy routine from The Sweetest Thing .
How To Make It Better: Cast Billy Bob, and make it a sequel to Bad Santa .