50 Worst Movie Toys

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By published

Tired tie-ins and mediocre merchandising

Freddy Fright Squirter

Photon Torpedo Coffin

The Toy: Yes, we're stretching the definition of 'toy' here, but you can actually be buried in a replica photo torpedo coffin, a la Spock in The Wrath Of Khan .

Worst Detail: It comes with Federation insignia on the INSIDE. Er, why?

Friar Tuck

The Toy: It's not exactly news that toy manufacturers will take short-cuts by using pre-existing moulds to design 'new' toys, but in this case, did Kenner have to choose one of the most distinctive action figures for this Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves toy?

Worst Detail: Tuck's body is quite blatantly ripped off the Gamorrean Guard design used in the Return Of The Jedi range, meaning that Luke Skywalker no longer has the weirdest parent in the Star Wars universe.

Bob The Joker's Goon

The Toy: In Tim Burton's Batman , Bob was one of The Joker's many employees. The toy suggests that The Joker hired him because he was one of the few people in Gotham City who looked even weirder than he did.

Worst Detail: The hair, which looks like somebody has chopped off Bob's ears and stuck half a hot dog bun onto each side of his face.

The Game Of Jaws

The Toy: Remember the scene in Jaws where Scheider and Dreyfuss slice open a Great White to see what's inside? Imagine that crossed with classic board game Operation and you have this ridiculous 'fish stuff out of a shark's mouth before its jaws snap shut' premise.

Worst Detail: Actually, the prop isn't much worse than Bruce...

German Mechanic

The Toy: Raiders Of The Lost Ark was surely perfect fodder for a toy tie-in (after all, George Lucas co-created it). However, it must be noted that Nazi henchmen aren't quite as exciting to own as Star Wars ' assortment of weird aliens.

Worst Detail: The combo of moustache and naked torso makes him look like a porn star action figure.

Dick Tracy

The Toy: Manufacturer Playmates tried to combine human characters with the toy mould of their hit Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles range, with disastrous results.

Worst Detail: Warren Beatty's status as a pussy magnet ended more or less concurrently with the release of his unflattering toy likeness. Coincidence? We think not.

Rafiki And Simba

The Toy: A seemingly innocuous Happy Meal tie-in with The Lion King celebrated the scene where baboon Rafiki holds aloft baby Simba. However, with a little lever action, Rafiki can be made to celebrate a little too much.

Worst Detail: The positioning of Simba is, shall we say, unfortunate.

Rocky Balboa "The Italian Stallion"

The Toy: Fair play for releasing a series of Rocky toys. However, it didn't take the manufacturers long to figure out that there aren't enough characters to justify an entire range. Hence the crackpot decision to make a toy of Rocky's statue (just in case kids wanted Balboa to go mano a mano with his bronze Doppelganger, presumably).

Worst Detail: This isn't even the worst toy in the Rocky range. For that, keep reading.

Penguin Commandos

The Toy: The perfect accessory with which to restage the climactic events of Batman Returns , this duo of avian anarchists comes complete with Mind Control Gear and Firing Missiles.

Worst Detail: You'll need some gear for controlling your own mind before you want to play with this.