Join The Community
Chewbacca
Buzz Lightyear
The Sidekick: Hi-tech kids plaything who really believes he’s the fictional hero he’s fashioned after. A shiny space ranger, Buzz is big of heart and courage (and, occasionally, of head).
The Awesome: Look – lasers! And an arm-choppy action thing! And he comes with a variety of catchy catch phrases! We waaaaant.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d give in to the pressures of father Emporer Zurg and set about attempting to conquer the universe. Not that a fake laser would get him that far...
Gollum
The Sidekick: Former hobbit Gollum once went by the name of Smeagol. Sadly, he became so corrupted by the power of his “preccccioussss” One Ring that his body buckled and bent into a monstrous visage of corruption.
The Awesome: We all like a tortured baddie, and Gollum’s up there as one of the best. Having arguments with himself and constantly switching loyalties, he’s a physical embodiment of the Gemini sign – one part evil, one part good, entirely awesome.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Gollum’s played both sides, but if he ever went fully evil he’d surely go about hacking off fingers to ensure that nobody ever had cause to wear a ring ever again.
Pedro Sanchez
The Sidekick: A shy Mexican transfer student, Pedro is a Preston High newbie whose lack of vocal chutzpah is made up for in his ambition when he runs for class president. Opponent Summer isn’t exactly happy about that – especially when Pedro makes a giant piñata that looks just like her.
The Awesome: This dude has serious style – from the mop top ‘do (even the fake one) and the upper-lip hair, all the way down to the array of flannel shirts and that bodacious set of wheels, Pedro reeks of more cool than a Cool Factory.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: This could actually happen, given Pedro’s apparent desperation for power. Expect a ‘Ped For Pres’ T-shirt campaign to start up any day now.
Thing
The Sidekick: This handy fella (sorry) is always there in the nick of time. Despite being a biologist’s nightmare (just how does he work?!), Thing is the five-fingered friend everybody wishes they had by the side of their shoe.
The Awesome: Not only is Thing adept at shooing away disaster and fluent in sign language (naturally), he can also skateboard on a rollerskate and has appeared in an episode of The Cleveland Show ! Now that’s versatility.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d get a job administering Darth Vader’s psychic death grip whenever the asthmatic one’s feeling a little under the weather.
Silent Bob
The Sidekick: He may not say much (or, anything), but that’s the beauty of Silent Bob. Through his gobby friend Jay, we know that he loves John Hughes movies, King Diamond and Canadian melodrama.
The Awesome: Think Gromit (of Wallace And … fame) plonked in a trenchcoat and a baseball cap, and given a species make-over. Now you’re halfway there. You know the phrase 'a look is worth a thousand words'? That's Bob's mantra. Also, it’s Kevin Smith for chrissakes!
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d have everybody’s mouths sewn shut to stop all that bothersome blabbering, then meditate on an isolated mountain while everybody flaps about in panic.
Mini-Me
The Sidekick: A genetic clone of genius mastermind Dr Evil, Mini Me came out a little smaller than everybody expected. One-eighth smaller than his original, to be precise. Almost always by Dr Evil’s side, Mini-Me is mostly mute, though emits a high-pitched “eee!” whenever he’s stressed.
The Awesome: He’s a mini version of a bald Mike Myers! And despite his tiny stature, Mini-Me has serious balls – when faced with super spy Austin Powers, he enthusiastically beats the crap out of him. (Okay, before being flushed into space…)
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Mini-Me has flirted with both sides of the Force, though if he were ever to come into his evil own, we imagine him taking over an isolated island as king, and making the inhabitant pygmies his adoring subjects. Mini-Mr Bigglesworth would be his guard cat.
Tuco
The Sidekick: The ‘ugly’ part of The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, Tuco is a dangerous blend of comical and deadly, a bandit whose list of crimes is ten times the length of the barrel of his gun. Though he stands as his own man, he’s forced into an allegiance with Blondie to find the location of a stash of gold.
The Awesome: Tuco is one mean mofo, and he knows it. But his comical asides make him a likeable chap. Don’t trust him as far as you can throw him, though.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: The Tuco Empire would rise in the west, funded by stolen gold and founded on the broken backs of enemy gunslingers.
Dory
The Sidekick: Taking the myth that fish only have three second memories to its optimum limit, Dory is what we’d love to think all fish would be like if they could talk. Scatterbrain, histrionic and hilariously dumb.
The Awesome: She’s voiced by Ellen Degeneres. She’s got pretty much all the best one-liners in the movie (“I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine!”). She’s fluent in Whale. And she’s the one who actually, y’know, finds Nemo. Righteous! Righteous!
If They Turned To The Dark Side: The world would be plunged into chaos, as red becomes blue, ‘escape’ is spelled ‘esss-capay’ and nobody has a clue what is going on. Ever.
Garth Algar
The Sidekick: A big-haired probable-virgin who barely opens his mouth to speak, Garth co-hosts local TV show Wayne’s World with his buddy Wayne. Together, they salivate over hot celebrities and rip the you-know-what out of the local personalities they interview. Mostly, Garth loves drum kits and sexy women - schwing!
The Awesome: He looks like Kate Hudson with backcombed hair and giant nerd glasses. Also, these clips speak for themselves .
If They Turned To The Dark Side: The entire human race would be enslaved and forced to learn the chords to 'Stairway To Heaven', all so that Garth could lead the biggest mosh ever. While surrounded by scantily clad blades, naturellement.
