10 games men should never be caught playing

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Or the alpha male's guide to survival in the new age of bi-gendered gaming

ATTN: Men of Games
The last few years has seen a steady rise in the number of games that are being made specifically not for men. We understand that this is a worrying trend and appreciate that many of you may be confused in this strange multi-gendered climate. To assist in these irritatingly inclusive times and to help avoid the unnecessary embarrassment of losing machismo points, we've compiled a list of the most unmanly games that you - as men of games - should avoid at all costs.

10. Imagine Figure Skating (DS)
Never mind the incredible athleticism and awesome body strength required for figure skating, if you get caught playing this your buddies are going to think you get a hard-on for Jimmy MacElroy.

09. Wii Fit (Wii)
An unsavoury affront to all the great manly things that gaming has always proudly stood - ie sat down - for. Aerobics? Muscle conditioning? Body Mass Index? If you're tempted to 'give it a try' quiz yourself this - where will it end? Soya milk? A sex change? Free-range wheatgrass and vegan spunk salads? Get a grip, sit your hairy man-ass down and kill some more pretend terrorists.

08. Miami Nights: Singles in the City (DS)
If you feel some perverted compulsion for a quiet night in, just you, a bottle of pink plonk and a dating sim like this, go look at some porn on the internet, get it out your system and return to the only kind of matchmaking that men of games understand - the beautiful union between N00BS AND TOTAL PWNAGE!!!

Matt Cundy
Matt Cundy
I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.