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The Top 7... You love 'em, we hate 'em

These games are classics. They're beloved by millions. The problem? Well, they suck. Don't believe us? Keep reading. Yeah, some had their defenders - even on our staff. But a convincing argument can be made about why each game just doesn't cut it. And that's just what we'll do. Ready? Line 'em up and we'll knock 'em down...

Final Fantasy VIII

Hated by: Nintendo Editor Brett Elston

The entire catalogue of Final Fantasy games is untouchable. We get that. They're all special and unique in their own way. But that can't keep Final Fantasy VIII from being an overwrought bitchfest packed with a whiny cast of teenagers and an insanely tedious battle system.

Heading up the pity-party cast is Squall, a pissy anti-hero who's allegedly falling in love with the delicate Rinoa Heartilly (Isn't that adorable? "Heart" is even in her name.) How long must you wait to see the happy couple united?  Dozens of hours.  Antisocial Squall won't even crack a smile until the ending, yet he's surrounded by supportive friends the whole time.

In high school, everyone respects/fears the jerks but nobody likes them. Hell, the entire cast of FFVIII is a manifestation of Squall's emotional desert: insecurity (Quistis), overconfidence (Zell), naivety (Selphie), compassion (Rinoa)... it's a list of stereotypical, contrasting personalities that's no fun to hang around for 40-plus hours.



Above: Isn't that sweet? She dragged him onto the dance floor

As for the battles... could they be any more obnoxious? No magic points, just sucking spells out of enemies? Yeah, that's fun. Makes perfect sense too, getting healing spells out of butterflies and robots. And how about the exceedingly long summon attacks? If we wanted to see monsters beat the crap out of each other, we'd watch Godzilla, not spend hours pretending to play a game.

Enemies level up with you instead of keeping a constant strength level, weapons and armor aren't equipped in the same way as every other Fantasy... we could go on and on. Plus, for a game centered around the idea of love (as evidenced by the logo artwork, Squall and Rinoa embracing), it's home to the most forced, uninteresting romance this side of Attack of the Clones.

"Four discs of this is four discs too many." - Brett

Topics

Top 7

6 comments

  • RanTheAwesome - February 19, 2010 1:56 p.m.

    Maybe running over hookers isn't fun to you, because you'd rather sleep with them and have them take all of your hard-earned cash. I personally enjoy running them over/shooting them for my own personal reasons. Once again, the hate for some of these game are weak.
  • CreeplyTuna - October 10, 2009 1:36 p.m.

    i hate gta 4. san andreas is fun
  • Jox - November 21, 2008 11:41 p.m.

    1st one!!!
  • Lrd_Chikn - February 11, 2009 5:18 a.m.

    WTF Donkey country is one of the best games for SNES, its not as good as Mario but its still pretty fun, I still play the gameboy color port
  • dewfish - May 25, 2009 4:45 a.m.

    I never understood the appeal of Grand Theft Auto. Does anybody think this is how real gangsters or mobsters live? I don't care how much Counterstrike, Team fortress 2, and Call of duty I play, I will never know what it's like to be a real soldier. From a gameplay perspective, the GTA series is like those combination printer/fax/copier machines. Good at one thing, mediocre at another, and horrible at the rest. Except GTA doesn't really excel at anything. As a "third person shooter", it is clunky and slow, it's driving dynamics are abysmal, and the storylines are completely uninteresting. It tries to be everything to everyone, and winds up being a huge ball of mediocrity.
  • jackrabbitslims - March 18, 2009 10:13 a.m.

    Wait, No Super Smash Bros? How someone hate GTA:SA but not the button mashing yawn fest that is SSBb Or SSBM. Has anyone noticed how shallow the fighting in the game is? Either way, great article.

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