We'd rather be stabbed in our necks with rusty ice picks than try to hold any sort of conversation with one of these imbeciles. Emergency tracheotomies would both be less painful, and more likely to get us shots of morphine.
We're referring to rare, but very real individuals who by some astonishing means perfectly embody corny, old gamer stereotypes that definitely shouldn't describe any actual person ever. The following seven profiles illustrate the stereotypes that are most capable of initiating our gag reflexes. They should be avoided vigorously.
7. Frat boys
Usually plays: Halo 3, Guitar Hero 3
Favorite snacks: Brewskies, pizza, passed-out sorority chicks
It's hard to tell when these douche bags are actually playing a game as they're just as likely to yell "Score!" for a C-minus term paper or a well executed date rape as they are a Madden field goal. Their celebrations are somehow simultaneously chauvinistic and homoerotic, and no accomplishment is too meager to warrant a Pabst shotgun or chest bump.
These ravenous consumers of all things sequel and all things licensed are the undiscerning gamers that lazy publishers wish we all were. Storytelling will be largely overlooked for any kind of multiplayer. Rightly so, since rowdy bro-on-bro competition is the perfect excuse to loudly regurgitate Will Ferrell quotes and call each other "gay" without addressing the thick fog of sexual tension which permeates their Neolithic rituals and ignorant world views.
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