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The Top 7... Ridiculous in-game vehicles

We were OK with the F1 car in Super Runabout. We chuckled at the VW-alike hippy van in San Andreas. But there are some in-game vehicles that we just have to call out as being utterly ridiculous.

In this Top 7, we've got something for everyone. From the designed-to-be-mad, through intentionally daft to the oh-my-god-what-were-they-thinking, it's all here.

So sit down, strap in and try not to let anyone see that it's you in the driver's seat. We're taking a road trip to Daftsville.


7) Simpsons Road Rage: The Homer

Ah, the Homer. This eponymous creation of one Homer Simpson is the quintessential ridiculous vehicle. And yet, if we're honest, we kinda wish we had one. But maybe in a different colour. And cheaper than $82,000. Just look at its timeless design:

In the game, it's a bonus unlockable and has been slightly modified - the rear-view mirror's missing for a start and the interior doesn't appear to be fitted with shag carpeting - but it's still the four-wheeled definition of ridiculous.

How to get it: Pay $82,000 to one Herb Powell. Or alternatively complete all 10 missions with Homer in Simpsons Road Rage to unlock it.

Why it's ridiculous: Bubble domes (which never go out of fashion), oversized tail fins... oh, and the little ball on the aerial so you can find it in a car park. It's on every car. D'oh indeed.


6) Crazy Taxi: Rickshaw

They say that women don't grow muscles with exercise, instead simply becoming more and more toned. By that thinking, Gena here from Crazy Taxi must have calf muscles hewn from granite after using this thing to do her rounds.

But what about controlling this monstrosity? Is it just a reskin? Definitely not. It's actually got much better acceleration than the standard taxi, although controlling crazy drifts is much harder as the bike swings round very quickly. It does turn and stop on a dime, though, so pick-ups are much easier. Want to see it in action? Oh go on then:

How to get it: 'Borrow' you little sister's bike and forcibly attach it to one half of your parents' garden shed. Or press L+R, L+R, L+R, and A on Driver Select screen of Crazy Taxi on Dreamcast.

Why it's ridiculous: You're doing 100mph using only pedal propulsion, still able to knock over cars and lorries like dominoes and trying to pass it off as a legitimate taxi business? Get out of town.


5) Manx TT Superbike: Sheep

This cheat was in both the arcade game and its Sega Saturn conversion and replaces your bike with an animated sheep. And no, this isn't Wales – it's the Isle of Man. We like the way the sheep bleat if you bump into them. Oh, and the way the other racers don't even have riders. They're just bigger sheep.



How to get it: In the unlikely event you find an arcade cabinet of Manx TT in the wild (we played it last Christmas, so you never know), then you too can enjoy sheep-fuelled racing mayhem. At the transmission select screen, press gear up, gear up, gear down, gear down, lean left, lean right (and stay there), hold the brake in and then accelerate. If you did it right, you'll hear a "baaah" noise.

Why it's ridiculous: Sheep can't run at 150mph. And they certainly don't baah at a constant pitch like an engine. And it's not as if it could ever happen in real life, is it?

Oh. Well... the next one definitely couldn't...

Topics

Top 7

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35 comments

  • Lu1SS3 - February 16, 2010 9:47 p.m.

    PS3 iS wack
  • dante1924 - January 16, 2010 10:12 p.m.

    Lol, a sheep in a racing game. Horses make more sense, since there are real horse races, so sheep should have been higher on the list!
  • RareHero - November 28, 2009 5:11 a.m.

    I'm really into cars as well so for me this is the best top 7 ever. I still have my Saturn along with Manx TT and Daytona USA. And I'm proud to say I'm one of the four existing Ridge Racer fans in the world. Also Daytona is the best game ever made. And I'm not being sarcastic.
  • Kytl - November 27, 2009 4:46 a.m.

    lol....goats...
  • sveini22 - November 26, 2009 3:30 p.m.

    lolololololololololololololololol
  • ViolentLee - November 25, 2009 11:39 p.m.

    There's also a sheep in the very decent Sony-published Downhill Domination for PS2. It has handle bars coming out of its neck.
  • pastycaucasian - November 25, 2009 6 p.m.

    The Piranha Pipes car looks like something you would take a crap in not drive.
  • w40kfanatic - November 25, 2009 4:57 p.m.

    Oh, sorry for double-posting, but i forgot to mention that this is another great article. Thank you, GR!!!! recaptcha: ordnance 2,160,000.
  • w40kfanatic - November 25, 2009 4:55 p.m.

    Where is mercinaries 2's "the devestator"? That was the greatest most ridiculous ride ever! I wish i could have kept it the whole game just for laughs!
  • revrock - November 24, 2009 7:50 a.m.

    @ cyberninja yup I downloaded that on day one and talked my brother into getting it too.
  • GeneralTickTock - November 24, 2009 4:01 a.m.

    "How do you not make a good racing vehicle? By building it out of stupid." thats just straiight up hilarious
  • reyalejandro13 - November 24, 2009 3:18 a.m.

    1) I loved that episode of the Simpsons. 2) The line that made this article for me "How do you make a crappy car? By building it out of STUPID" That just made me laugh very much. Also, I think that every board in Sonic Rider's Is stupid, only because WHY THE HELL WOULD SONIC NEED A F***ING HOVERBOARD TO GO FAST?!?!?! And to that extent, Shadow's Shoes in that game. EVERYONE ELSE IS ON A BOARD. WHY NOT YOU, SHADOW?!? And since i believe there's a Sonic game where he's driving a kart, WHY ARE YOU DRIVING A KART IF YOU CAN RUN FAST??? WTF MAN!!
  • JJBSterling - November 24, 2009 2:43 a.m.

    The Homer was also in Simpsons: Hit and Run. I was also surprised the llama from Downhill Domination wasn't on here, hell, even the actual bikes in those games shouldn't go that fast.
  • Curtis_Stone - November 24, 2009 1:42 a.m.

    This is a fun article, great work!!
  • GamesRadarButtercup - November 24, 2009 1:37 a.m.

    @GamesRadarCharlieBarratt: Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You and all the other non-horse mammal cronies passing judgment and mocking the quadraped gamer minority...
  • Cyberninja - November 24, 2009 1:10 a.m.

    @revrock wre ok they just relesed a new one on wiiware
  • GameManiac - November 24, 2009 12:52 a.m.

    I'm actually a big car fanatic (thank you Need for Speed and Gran Turismo!), so I was naturally drawn to this article. I hope no frogs were harmed in the making of this article.
  • GamesRadarCharlieBarratt - November 24, 2009 12:52 a.m.

    Buttercup?! I thought we turned you into delicious, delicious glue!
  • Conman93 - November 24, 2009 12:09 a.m.

    @ felixthecat I totally agree. It was very easy to use and didnt go too fast, unlike the rocket car
  • Skykid - November 23, 2009 11:31 p.m.

    WTF!? WTF!? WTF!? WTF!? Get those abominations away from me! Why are those even considered rides? Those are not vehicles, those are s*** with wheels.

Showing 1-20 of 35 comments

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