The Top 7… greenest games

How noble, the human species! Once a year we selflessly take a break from wrapping products in toxic plastics and burning piles of old tires to appease this stupid, stupid planet we live on. How dare it demand more trees, breathable air and animals that don’t choke to death on our trash? Mother Nature, you’ll get your Earth Day (April 22, this week y’know) but the next day we’re riding a smoke-spewing rocket into the sky just so we can spray aerosol cans directly into the atmosphere.

And to celebrate Earth Day as good little gamers, we pledge to only play the eco-friendliest titles in history, games that said “Y’know what? What if there were a game that wasn’t about pumping people full of bullets and drinking liquefied bones?”

They are the greenest games evar.

If gardening in real life were anywhere near as fun as tending a make-believe garden bustling with criminally cute pinatas, we’d be outside right now. What begins as a dusty, cracked, desolate environment with little to no wildlife slowly blossoms into a lively metropolis of pinata prettiness.

Above: In need of some serious care

Above: About to burst with snacky happiness

As you can guess, the entire purpose of the game is to renovate the surrounding area and make it appealing to the various pinata species, each with its own criteria for ultimate happiness. With so many pinatas to please, you’re encouraged to cultivate as many gardens as possible, such as one built just for grazing animals and another for water-based Lickitoads, Cocoadiles and the elusive Swanana.

As a bonus, the graphics are so jarringly vibrant that the idea of managing multiple gardens immediately sounds exciting, which is hardly the case in the real world, where you actually have to learn about fertilizer and seasonal planting and plant diseases. Ick!

Above: Real gardening is hard

Environment saved: Smallish, localized gardens.

There’s only one series that deserves a lifetime achievement award for eco-friendly vibes, and that’s Harvest Moon. If you find the premise of paper animals too wild and “out there,” you can always dig into Moon’s relentlessly repetitive gameplay that, in direct contrast to Viva Pinata, is just as tiring as the real deal.