The most ridiculous game box quotes ever

Ever wish you could take back something you said? Imagine it printed on millions of game boxes

Except in rare cases when they are pulled from early reviews, or when they appear on re-released editions of games, the quotes on the box come from previews. What is a preview, exactly? A preview is what's written after a bunch of PR people show off the best parts of a game, explain how conceptually brilliant it's all going to be, and tell the writer that the horrible glitches are "being ironed out."

There is thus a tendency for previews to contain a great deal of gross exaggerations. It's not malicious - writers don't open up their word processors and think, "I'm going to completely overhype this bitch!" - it's just the nature of the system. Previews are based on a writer's sincere desire for a game to be good and the publisher's ability to make it look good. And, if all the brilliant innovations turn out to be plumes of smoke, justice usually comes as a scathing review.

But by the time the review is out, quotes like these have already been printed on every box...

The only things that may have ever shattered my perception of reality have been psychedelic drugs, and I'd still have a hard time saying they really "shattered" anything.

Stranglehold... Gears of War... Stranglehold... Gears of War. Sorry GamePro, but on a scale of"slow-motion doves"to "more awesomeness," Gears is at moreawesomeness, and Stranglehold is at about3.2 doves. Doves diseased with repetitive gameplay, finicky controls and lame multiplayer.

A change of pace? Like, you mean, slow? This isn't just a change of pace, it's a horse as opposed to a machine. A really fast machine, with wheels... you know, fun?

Above: Weeeeeeeeeee...

Psst... "Stuntman ROCKS!" is two words. And if you just meant "rocks," well, I don't knowwhat geological formations have to do with the game.

If there's a more overused oxymoron in existence, I don't know what it is. Here's something you might not have expected, EGM:you gave the game 5.7/10, and your sister site, 1up, gave it a D+, saying "it makes you want to chew your arm off."


Associate Editor, Digital at PC Gamer


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