This same critique could be launched against any PC point-click journey, a genre which seems it will evermore puff 1992-stink. But Turtle lacks the compelling story and puzzles that allowed games like the Kings Quest series to absorb our souls into computers. Instead of soaring imagination and inventive analysis, Turtle just functions - not broken, just boring.
There's still some redemption. While the dialogue is harshly tamed, the script might reap some standoffish smirks from you with a few serene kook-charm moments. There are riffs on Guantanamo Bay, bear pheromones, weapons of mass destruction, Olympic-sized bongs and even Hawaiian fellatio zings. And there's a respectable assortment of detailed static backgrounds depicting a variety of locales, though it all seems like stills swiped from any generic afternoon Disney cartoon.