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Quantum Theory review

AT A GLANCE
  • If for some reason you can't wait for Gears 3...
  • Has a cool concept of a living tower
  • Uses a girl that you throw instead of grenades
  • Abattoir visuals
  • Gutless armory
  • Giant meat worms

This review comes courtesy of GamesRadar sister magazine Xbox World 360.

The title says it all, in that it says nothing at all. Quantum theory, by scientific definition, charts the behavior of matter on an atomic and subatomic level. It denotes a level of subtlety, an insane attention to detail. It certainly doesn’t denote seven foot meat mounds firing guns the size of small cows. Quantum Theory, the game, isn’t just broad; it is the loosest, baggiest and downright shoddiest of third-person shooters.


Above: You know the old saying, the bigger they are… the more Quantum Theory struggles to render them

Gears of War is the model. Epic’s ideas and art design are vaguely transposed, but it’s all borked – like Gears passed around in Chinese whispers and then translated back into English. Both games boast meaty visual design, but where Gears carves the meat into recognizable heroes and bastes them with glistening tech gravy, Quantum’s freaks are a formless, functionless mess. Our hero Syd manages to out-ugly Marcus Feenix, Mr. Testicle Face himself, and comes armed with a selection of lumpy prongs – maybe weapons, maybe melted kitchen utensils.

Weapons fire as vaguely as they look. Shots sigh out of the barrel and nudge enemies to death. The grenade launcher farts out balls that tend to give up halfway, hit the dirt and impotently pop out of existence. And don’t get us started on the electro ray – this pumped up cattle prod emits a static sprite pic of a lightning bolt which simply wobbles foes to death.


Above: The least practical "serious" weapon ever? If that blade on the end is spinning, what's it doing to his fingers?

To make matters worse, a disease spreads through the levels, altering their physical design on the fly. Rather brilliantly, cover appears and disappears on a whim – at last, it’s the design innovation your high blood pressure’s been waiting for! The disease also delivers giant worms. Not only do they look atrocious, like animated slabs of corned beef, they introduce fist-gnawingly incompetent platforming to the proceedings. It makes the crap rope-swinging antics in Call of Juarez feel like Mario Galaxy.

Theory’s other ‘fun’ hook is Syd’s female co-partner, Filena. Sold to us during development as neat strategy-bolstering AI, Filena is little more than a replacement for grenades and melee attacks. Syd can throw her at enemies for slow-mo takedowns or time melee attacks for hand-in-hand drubbings. Both work fine, even if throwing her is a little overpowered, but they really aren’t anything more than we’d expect from any competent third-person action hero. Which Syd largely isn’t. It doesn’t take a quantum theorist to see this is rotten.


Above: Hey Quantum Theory, Gears of War 2 called, it wants its last boss back

If you'd like to see more articles from Xbox World 360, you can get a subscription here.

Sep 28, 2010

More Info

Release date: Sep 28 2010 - Xbox 360, PS3 (US)
Available Platforms: Xbox 360, PS3
Genre: Action
Published by: Tecmo
Developed by: Tecmo
ESRB Rating:
Mature: Blood and Gore, Strong Language, Violence
PEGI Rating:
Rating Pending

17 comments

  • Shagnasty - September 30, 2010 4:57 a.m.

    More like BLAM! Theory.
  • c1nd3rcell - September 29, 2010 11:07 p.m.

    A 3/10! Gross. Captcha: bluttou. A better name for this pile of drab.
  • Tagboomer - September 29, 2010 2:06 p.m.

    Ive been playing this game since last Friday and I certainly think the low 3 out of 10 rating is bit unfair. The graphics are very good and solid and while the game is a GOW clone whats wrong with that!! Also the difficulty curve is very challenging and there are alot worse games out there.
  • K9unittp - September 28, 2010 11:03 p.m.

    This is one of those gaes that looks like it`s trying to render too many pointy, shiny objects on everything
  • NappyAfro - September 28, 2010 10:45 p.m.

    Pretty much figured the full game would be as atrocious as the demo.
  • NightCrawler_358 - September 28, 2010 9:40 p.m.

    Bwahahahahahahahaha! Koei...
  • frmonth - September 28, 2010 8:58 p.m.

    I honestly couldn't believe how inept the demo was and the fact that they are realing this as a full retail price game??? Madness, I don't understand why they didn't decide to call it a content generous arcade game for 1200 MS points and them some idiots would think OMG a full game that is realeased as an arcade game, I've got to get this. Surely they would have made a better profit like that.
  • ShaneCedt - September 28, 2010 8:34 p.m.

    Damn a 3! Gears of Bore.
  • oneshotfinch - September 28, 2010 8:21 p.m.

    Having played the demo I'd say this is about right. It barely functions and that's all it does.
  • 510BrotherPanda - September 28, 2010 8:21 p.m.

    This is probably the reason Other M was not as big a change as expected. Tecmo is so 'meh' as of late.
  • Denrok - September 28, 2010 8:08 p.m.

    After playing the demo I could tell that this was gonna be an unimaginative boring third-person shooter that completely apes Gears of War but without any of the fun. Maybe this is proof that Japan shouldn't be making all of their games more western-style.
  • CH3BURASHKA - September 28, 2010 8:06 p.m.

    Ouch... I was expecting a middle-of-the-road 6 or 7, but they couldn't even do that... Being 60 bucks just adds insult to injury.
  • j5k44t6 - September 28, 2010 8:05 p.m.

    its really green
  • AngryScotsman - September 28, 2010 7:58 p.m.

    Erm... ObliqueZombie we are five years into this generation, you shouldn't be calling it "next-gen" anymore. And this game looks foul. It so dark and pointy.
  • Sala106 - September 28, 2010 7:58 p.m.

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
  • Sala106 - September 28, 2010 7:57 p.m.

    FIRSTTTTTT LOLOLOL
  • ObliqueZombie - September 28, 2010 7:56 p.m.

    I am SO glad I didn't but this game. I thought it looked neat, but the recent demo was one of the worst things I've played. Especially for a Next-Gen game... Very glad I didn't waste $60 on this. Another Western-to-Japanese fail.

Showing 1-17 of 17 comments

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