Mass Effect 3: Not happy with the ending? Choose one of these 20 alternative endings instead
Not happy with the Mass Effect 3 ending? No problem. Using my vast knowledge of endings and skilled proficiency in the art of understanding how things should finish good, I have come up with 20 alternative Mass Effect 3 endings that I think would be pretty incredible actually. So if you don't like BioWare's version of how Commander Shepard's space saga gets wrapped up, forget all about it and replace all your disappointed memories with one of these endings instead.
1. The Lord of the Rings ending
Every conceivable loose-end excruciatingly tied-up via day one DLC containing over six hours of non-interactive cut-scene footage. Everyone drifts into a deep coma.
2. The War of the Worlds ending
All the Reapers catch a cold and die. Everyone else survives. Except the krogans. They all die as well. Tough break.
3. The Resident Evil ending
A bomb is primed to destroy Earth. There's a dramatic sequence countdown that involves sirens, flashing beacons, slow running and even slower elevators. Earth explodes. Everyone survives anyway. Except Joker, who gets electrocuted to death while attempting sex with a robot.
4. The Scooby-Doo ending
Shepard discovers the Reaper invasion is just an elaborate sound and light show. Tali is behind the whole thing. She's unmasked, revealing her true identity as Old Man Withers from the abandoned amusement arcade. Everyone gets stoned and eats a ton of snacks.
5. The Jaws ending
Shepard fortuitously lodges a gas cylinder inside a Reaper. He then fortuitously shoots the gas cylinder. The Reaper explodes causing a fortuitous chain reaction in which all Reapers explode in a huge ball of explosion. Everyone survives. Shepard gets a bigger Normandy.
6. The Wizard of Oz ending
It was all just a dream.
7. The Inception ending
It was all just a dream. Or was it?
8. The Return of the Jedi ending
Reapers turn out to be Shepard's father. There is still good in the Reapers. In a moment of paternal altruism the Reapers sacrifice themselves to save their son. Everyone dances and makes rudimentary bongos from the decapitated heads of Husks.
9. The Sixth Sense ending
Shepard is actually a ghost all along.
10. The Titanic ending
Normandy gets hit by an unfeasibly large asteroid while Shepard is having some sex. Normandy sinks. Everyone dies except a bunch of rich people who use Wrex's buoyant corpse as a makeshift life raft.
11. The Fight Club ending
Shepard is actually the Reapers all along.
12. The Night of the Living Dead ending
Shepard survives the final fight, but is shot by an Alliance marine who mistakes him for a Reaper. Everyone gets put on a bonfire. Shepard's extensive collection of fish are later distributed amongst the citizens of Earth as a goodwill gesture.
13. The Planet of the Apes ending
Shepard is actually Earth all along.
14. The Independence Day ending
After uploading a virus to the Reaper mainframe, Shepard launches a suicide attack by flying the Normandy directly into the Reaper mothership. Everyone aboard the Normandy dies. Except Garrus, who turns out to be Will Smith.
15. The Crying Game ending
Shepard is actually FemShep all along.
16. The Village ending
Shepard flies the Normandy to the edge of the universe only to discover the universe is actually an enclosed encampment somewhere near Pennsylvania. Everyone is incredulous.
17. The Jurassic Park ending
Shepard is surrounded by Reapers. Suddenly a T-Rex hastily cloned from DNA extracted from a Prothean artefact bursts in and eats everything. Everyone survives except the space hamster, which suffers an allergic reaction to dinosaurs and dies.
18. The Lord of the Flies ending
Renegade Shepard turns feral and kills the pig. The grown-ups arrive before anyone else dies. Everyone goes straight to bed without any supper.
19. The Street Fighter ending
Shepard does a shoryuken. Everyone dies.
20. The video game ending
Shepard discovers he's a character in a video game. Has existential crisis and glitches to death. Is eventually reloaded from an earlier save point.
Can you think of any alternative Mass Effect 3 endings? You can? Brilliant. You should totally tell us all about it in the comments.