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Kick-ass powers that game characters forgot they had

Videogame characters are lazy, forgetful, or just plain stupid. Cutscene after cutscene, they exhibit planet-shaking combat abilities and a level of indestructibility which would make God himself jealous. But as soon as you pick up the controller? The Incredible Hulk turns back into Bruce Banner and all of those showboating tricks and superhuman powers disappear into the ether.

They're constantly saving their best tricks until we've already done all the hard work for them, and even if not, then they behave inconsistently to the point of sheer idiocy. Here are the worst offenders.

Game: Halo 3

Character: Master Chief

In-game failing: Unreliable field equipment

MJOLNIR armour is rubbish. We're sorry, but it is. It might theoretically be a high impact, self-repairing, reflex augmenting shell of the purest battle safety, but what's the point of all of those features when it only works when it feels like it? Witness the example of Master Chief's two kilometre plummet from space as evidence of its inconsistency. It's no wonder he's the last Spartan alive if their gear is always on the blink.

And on a side note, he can fall that far without a crack and withstand the heat of atmospheric re-entry, but a few bullets will kill him dead? We hope he kept the reciept for that thing.

 

Game: Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes

Character: Solid Snake

In-game failing: Highly inconsistent combat ability

Every so often, Snake displays a talent for hand-to-hand combat so brutal and balletic that it makes you wonder why he bothers with stealth at all. But if he could just remember to use his skills a bit more regularly... He would have been through Shadow Moses in about half an hour

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8 comments

  • NellyDaHobo - October 30, 2011 4:22 a.m.

    Isn't the playable Ghost just Cortez in his body? So it would make sense that he can't fight the same.
  • Chaoscoolperson - October 30, 2010 1:48 p.m.

    The Dragon age Origins trailer looked BA but then the game was move over here, attack him in 5 seconds, oh yay you won.
  • devilmaycrygod - January 20, 2010 8:38 p.m.

    i have another one for the list, Vahalla knights, eldar saga. at the begining you could kill thousands of monsters or flash freeze them. when you play, it doesn't matter how strong you get, you are never goign to have that kind of power
  • Kytl - October 24, 2009 1:20 a.m.

    kinda related, but theres also Kurthnaga from Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn. he comes in in a short cutscene in dragon form where he charges up an awesome breath attack and obliterates part of a castle and sends the little enemy soldiers scurrying around like ants. then when you get to use him, hes starts weak compared to how awesome he was in the cutscene.
  • Stryde22 - September 15, 2008 1:02 a.m.

    XD at Jill Valentine...so true. those games have always been sloppy in the movements. As for Devil May Cry...the cutscenes were really the highlight of the entire series...shame that the anime series doesnt keep the same energy as the cutscenes do XD.
  • poncho7998 - September 12, 2008 7:01 p.m.

    I'd have to admit, I always thought about this, especally after playing the Devil May Cry series. Why can't we be a total bad ass when we finally get to use the controller? It is fun to watch though.
  • samownzsnake - March 4, 2009 3:04 a.m.

    lulz! i was wondering when TS2 would be mentoned in one of ur articles
  • ShadesofGrey - July 4, 2009 12:56 a.m.

    And what of our beloved Kratos? I'm pretty sure he was slinging one-hitters in all the cutscenes too, wasn't he?

Showing 1-8 of 8 comments

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