What possessed Metropolis we%26rsquo;ll never know. We%26rsquo;re guessing they thought enough gamers weren%26rsquo;t subjected to the nightmare that is Infernal, and so a game that stank up PCstwo years ago has made the leap to 360 where it can smear its brown marks all over our beloved white box too.
Hell%26rsquo;s Vengeance certainly lives up to its name. %26lsquo;Hero%26rsquo; Ryan Lennox is a jerk whom it%26rsquo;s impossible to care about, and the ridiculous plot sees you selling your soul in exchange for demon powers to battle magical ninja monks and lady-boy assassins. While that sounds amusing, there%26rsquo;s nothing funny about Infernal. It%26rsquo;s crammed with irredeemable features designed solely to aggravate.
The cover system doesn%26rsquo;t work when you need it to, but activates at the worst possible moment. Ryan%26rsquo;s love of diving about after a double directional tap turns already messy battles into indecipherable gymnastic floor routines. The gunplay is weaker than the WWE%26rsquo;s ill-fated midget wrestling federation. And incredibly, the bodies you need to search to replenish ammo and health supplies disappear after a few seconds. You%26rsquo;ll rarely need the health top-ups though: even on Hard Ryan can soak up a clip of bullets and only lose one or two percent health.
The so-called puzzles rank among the worst we%26rsquo;ve ever seen. Ryan%26rsquo;s powers include teleportation and invisibility, but both are poorly implemented. Given its extremely limited time usage, teleportation is only useful in the most obvious locations (if a puzzle might be solvable by using teleportation you%26rsquo;re thinking too much), and even then its ass-awkward aiming reticule is a pain to move. Invisibility is even worse. For some reason Ryan turns invisible only when diving %26ndash; try working that one out %26ndash; and so laser-trap obstacles are only passable by rolling through them.
At the end of level one you%26rsquo;re trapped in an air-tight chamber as poison gas is slowly pumped into the room. Is the solution to shoot out all the windows to buy some time? Don%26rsquo;t be silly. It%26rsquo;s actually to stand by the four computer panels directly in front of you and hold a single button. Brilliant. Forget Psi-Ops; this is Sigh-Ops. Infernal is so broken, so boring and so worthless it would be much quicker to list the things it actually gets right, so here goes: ...
Aug 25, 2009