Says Chad Bruhammer, Bro Gaming Editor:
"Okay man, these kids are just plain dumb. They’re fighting monsters at night, and training to be badass and popular in the day so they can be even better at fighting those monsters. Good use of time. Responsible attitude. That’s how you make yourself Alpha, I appreciate that. I spend all day every day training to be a badass by consistently, categorically and without interruption being a badass, and I could totally beat down any monster pussy I wanted to if I came up against any. But these kids’ methods are all screwed, man. They need to focus like a real bro.
"You see the game lets them do anything during the day. And they do it. They hang out. They go to noodle bars. They watch movies. They do homework. What the hell? And as a result they’re such damn emo pussies that when they do get around to fighting monsters, they end up shooting themselves in the head whenever they’re threatened. Is it any wonder they’re such big quitters when they spend their time like they do? If the game wants these kids to be really badass, it should only give them three daytime options. Football practice, weights at the school gym, and keggers at the weekends. Badassery? Check. Popularity? Check. That’s how I roll, and bro, if a monster ran into me, I wouldn’t even need to fight it. As soon as it saw how capable I am and how big my crew is it’d be out of there.
"Jeez, seriously, noodle bars? WTF?"