Hospital Tycoon review

  • Juggling tasks, from doctor to janitor
  • Sparking professional love
  • Forging an efficient healing factory
  • The Disney-esque humor cheese
  • The greasy lounge music
  • The lack of replay value

To the 45 million citizens who don’t have health insurance: please accept our most corporate condolences. Everyday we pray that a fluke highway four-car demolition won’t shackle you to an emergency room; then a wheelchair; then a $100,000 bill.

And to show how much we care, we’ll be reviewing Hospital Tycoon: a game that reminds us that healthcare is a business of compassion - a loving empire fueled by new drugs to inject into the newly-diseased.

It’s your time to join the few, the rich, the tyrant capitalists of healthcare. Now begin herding sick specimens into your building. Cure them quickly and you can shovel more cash from their pockets. So what’s the diagnosis? Depending on the infection, you’ll have a variety of cures. You may just need to shuffle them into the pharmacy to stab them with syringes. Or you may need to douse them with radiation. Or your doctors may not be able to decipher what the patient has, so the researchers will need to throw the man into a spinning sphere contraption, and the study will reveal that you’ll need to import some new equipment. Like an acid shower. Or an odor sampler - a premium robot adorned with metallic sniffing noses.

It’s this cartoon satire that keeps Tycoon from being a strictly sleaze-laden affair. Symptoms are illustrated with the exaggerated slapstick of mushroom cloud flatulence and red throbbing craniums. Your hospital is even judged on it’s beauty - in order to progress you’ll have to bejewel it with art, plants, posters of attractive nurses, and mirrors where attractive nurses can verify their cuteness. The doctors here are equally dazzling, and when these Abercrombie man-freaks aren’t healing the wretched, they’re flirting. You can even accelerate these courtships, resulting in snuggly smooching or seething scream-fights between jilted lovers.  

And it’s this micro-management that makes Tycoon enjoyable. You control every tile of the hospital floor, from the amount of vending machines to how much you pay your surgeons. It does get tiresome, especially after hearing the bossa-nova-flavored lounge music loop for the 70th time, but for a short while it can be as addictive as OxyContin.


More Info

Available Platforms: PC
Genre: Strategy
Published by: Codemasters
Developed by: Big Red Software


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