Fullmetal Alchemist: Dual Sympathy review

Puberty has blessed you with a metal arm and leg. You tell people you're "the closest thing to God there is." Your man-child adventures have been painstakingly hand-drawn by subservient throngs of Japanese artists. Now, your devotees can press buttons to electronically relive your harrowing exploits in Fullmetal Alchemist: Dual Sympathy.

The game loves text and still images, which it will display for you in its many story sequences. But it just doesn't know how to use them, and the result is a narrative so ruthlessly disjointed that show fans will moan in misery. Profound events bounce through with little to no explanation, and feeble music, cliche-ravaged dialogue and cheap dramatic effects like screen-jiggling fail to make you even want to try to understand. At least gore-fetishists will enjoy the decapitation, impaling and bodies being sliced in half.