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Conan review

Manly men doing manly things


  • Beefy combat works amazingly well
  • So much blood
  • gore
  • Fantastic boss fights


  • Gets mighty repetitive
  • Nothing groundbreaking
  • Not enough puzzles
  • too much fighting

Oct 23, 2007

Ah, the age of Conan. A time when men were men, women were all gagging for it and evil sorcerers were busy ruining everyone%26rsquo;s fun with their nefarious machinations. Welcome to Hyboria; better have an oiled blade and a bumper box of elastoplasts at the ready... because you%26rsquo;re sure as hell gonna need them.

For starters, we%26rsquo;ll come out like the Conasexuals we are and declare our undying love for all things Cimmerian. This king of the barbarians is one mighty piece of property. He%26rsquo;s a no-holds-barred war and sex machine who%26rsquo;ll slaughter legions of evil-doers before sating himself on a bevy of lusty wenches. He%26rsquo;s the only man we know who can get away with wearing a furry thong and still look dead hard. In short, he%26rsquo;s our hero.

Still, during the seven or so hours it%26rsquo;ll take you to steamroll through the game (a pretty respectable length for a button-masher, all told) and recapture each part of Conan%26rsquo;s stolen armour you%26rsquo;ll have journeyed halfway across Hyboria - battled pirates, demons, monster apes, stone demons, rescued virtuous maidens and foiled the machinations of an evil sorcerer who%26rsquo;s sporting a %26ldquo;Johnny Depp meets The Darkness%26rdquo; look. In short, despite the near nonsensical and disjointed narrative it%26rsquo;s a royal hoot and a return to those halcyon days when hack-%26rsquo;n%26rsquo;-slashers - above all others - absolutely ruled the gaming roost.

More Info

DescriptionGod of War it ain't, but this gore-packed hack-n-slash epic will deliver both the Conan fans and the blood thirsty quite a fix.
PlatformXbox 360, PS3
US censor ratingMature, Mature
UK censor ratingRating Pending, Rating Pending
Release date:23 October 2007 (US), (UK)
Available platforms:Xbox 360
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