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10 gaming world records that need to exist

When a copy of Guinness World Records Gamer's Edition was held up at one of our regular staff meetings, we immediately ripped it open to discover who holds the record for the most "Wii" puns in one sentence. That's not a record, apparently, but we did find a fine catalogue of game industry 'firsts' and 'mosts,' as well as a list of ridiculously high scores and unbelievable speed runs.

We love trivia, but we'd like to see a few, more inventive records in the next edition, which is why we've compiled our ten favorite world record suggestions. If a Q*Bert score of 33,273,529 isn't looking likely for you, don't worry, our ideas require much less effort.

Before we start, if at any time you feel a world record crawling up your leg, head over to the book's official website to submit it.

Rock Band's "Green Grass and High Tides" is a bitch. So why do records always have to be "high scores" and "fastest times?" Why not a record for the most failed attempts at something - specifically, the aforementioned bitch "Green Grass and High Tides?"

Pick up that guitar and thrash it around like it's Amy Winehouse's liver. Your "friends" might split because they "don't all want to be drummers, jackass," but just flip them off and keep playing - you've got half a bottle of Absolut and six more hours until the sun comes up. Rock on, soldier, you'll beat it someday, and if not, you just might set a new world record.

Guinness Trivia: In expert mode, Guitar Hero III's "Through the Fire and Flames" contains 8.38 notes per second. Rock Band's "Green Grass and High Tides," on the other hand, just beat up your little brother and stabbed your mom in the eye.

Tekken was the first PlayStation game to sell over one million units, Mortal Kombat prompted the formation of the ESRB, and Street Fighter introduced the classic art of the combo. None of them them, however, feature breasts knocked up from DD to "stick a fork in those f'ing puppies, they're f'ing done - any bigger and they'll fall off you sick bastards" in the way we expect Soul Calibur IV will. Yet another game for the record books, and to play while our spouses are out of town.

But wait... Here Comes a New Challenger! Stretch Panic, released by Conspiracy Entertainment in 2001, may contain the largest breasts (relative to body size) we've ever seen. It's actually a bit disturbing.

We're not done yet - what about the world record for biggest breasts on a Pokemon? Too much? Should we stop with the infantile boob jokes? No, just look, it's a Pokemon with boobs and it's bloody insane.

13 comments

  • hamsterdoom360 - January 21, 2010 4:52 a.m.

    That wasn't a Pokemon with boobs. That man had two heads, one of them was a woman.
  • crimson_soulreaper305 - September 24, 2009 8 p.m.

    i actually thought that pokemon had BALLS not BOOBS!
  • Major_Wuss - December 4, 2008 4:33 a.m.

    That Crysis barrel video is great.
  • nicksayswatzup - December 4, 2008 12:24 a.m.

    come on no hardest mega man boss? :( im playing Mega Man 9 right now.
  • Cwf2008 - December 3, 2008 12:51 a.m.

    Lol a Pokemon with parts
  • megarl - December 3, 2008 12:41 a.m.

    who knew, a pamela anderson pokemon
  • CuddlyBomber - December 2, 2008 11:26 p.m.

    Lol a pokemon with boobs
  • theschwartzb - December 6, 2008 1:19 a.m.

    That halo suicide was extremely clever. One seemingly innocent grenade thrown right at he beginning seemed pointless, but at the end, it payed off. I wonder how long it took him to get all the angles and measurements right to get the nade to get to the warthog at the same time he did.
  • zeden - December 3, 2008 9:54 a.m.

    Mushihime-sama makes me want to cry just looking at it. And I thought Ikaruga was hard...
  • Corsair89 - December 3, 2008 4:41 a.m.

    The 3000 barreals vid was awesome! All those barrels just littered the beach, jungle, and ocean. And the explosion of 3000 barrels... that should have wiped the island off the face of the Earth
  • NEzraF - December 3, 2008 2:50 a.m.

    Lol, bad comments on an article.
  • Xplosive59 - December 2, 2008 4:01 p.m.

    hahahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahha....
  • thatonekid1995 - December 24, 2008 2:59 a.m.

    I might have to re-examine the biggest breast one... i think i should do more further study...

Showing 1-13 of 13 comments

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