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  1. Entertainment
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What If All Movie Animals Were Pandas?

Features
By Andy Lowe published 19 November 2008

Flimsy justification: Kung Fu Panda’s out on DVD

When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.

Free Panda

Free Panda

When an estranged young boy befriends a captive panda, he identifies with what he initially perceives as the panda’s desire to transcend his caged existence. But it just sits around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 1 of 5
Page 1 of 5
101 Pandas

101 Pandas

When evil fashion witch Cruella de Vil steals a litter of panda cubs from a wholesome young couple, the cubs completely fail to subvert Cruella’s plan to sell them to a taxidermist by sitting around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 2 of 5
Page 2 of 5
The Panda Man

The Panda Man

He is not a panda, he is a human being – with the crudely Photoshopped face of a panda. David Lynch humanely portrays the gnawing existential terror of a refined young man forced to sit around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 3 of 5
Page 3 of 5
Stuart Panda

Stuart Panda

A suburban family adopt a cute young panda/mouse thing called Stuart. But instead of getting into several hilarious misadventures, he just sits around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 4 of 5
Page 4 of 5
Grizzly Panda

Grizzly Panda

Werner Herzog’s unflinching meditation on the untameable aloofness of nature is entertainingly compromised by his subject sitting around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 5 of 5
Page 5 of 5
Andy Lowe
Read more
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    1
    Dispatch review: "Critical Role fans rejoice – episodic gaming has been superheroically saved by this incredibly charming band of misfits"
  2. 2
    Where Winds Meet review: "Sekiro-style combat meets seemingly every videogame idea ever in this bloated but fun open-world martial arts adventure"
  3. 3
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  4. 4
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  5. 5
    Possessor(s) review: "Smart ideas are quickly buried in this demonic Metroidvania that's far too mundane and dull in a sea of sharp competition"
  1. Glen Powell as Ben Richards in The Running Man
    1
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  2. 2
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  3. 3
    Chainsaw Man – The Movie: Reze Arc review "Storytelling just as compelling as the chainsaws, devils, and visually excessive fight scenes"
  4. 4
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  5. 5
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  1. Rhea Seehorn as Carol Sturka, looking scared, in Pluribus.
    1
    Pluribus season 1 review: "Easily one of the year's best dramas"
  2. 2
    The Witcher season 4 review: "The Henry Cavill-less fourth season is the best yet"
  3. 3
    IT: Welcome to Derry review: "A supremely confident step back into the history of Stephen King's cursed town and killer clown"
  4. 4
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  5. 5
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