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  1. Entertainment
  2. Movies

What If All Movie Animals Were Pandas?

Features
By Andy Lowe published 19 November 2008

Flimsy justification: Kung Fu Panda’s out on DVD

When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.

Free Panda

Free Panda

When an estranged young boy befriends a captive panda, he identifies with what he initially perceives as the panda’s desire to transcend his caged existence. But it just sits around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 1 of 5
Page 1 of 5
101 Pandas

101 Pandas

When evil fashion witch Cruella de Vil steals a litter of panda cubs from a wholesome young couple, the cubs completely fail to subvert Cruella’s plan to sell them to a taxidermist by sitting around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 2 of 5
Page 2 of 5
The Panda Man

The Panda Man

He is not a panda, he is a human being – with the crudely Photoshopped face of a panda. David Lynch humanely portrays the gnawing existential terror of a refined young man forced to sit around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 3 of 5
Page 3 of 5
Stuart Panda

Stuart Panda

A suburban family adopt a cute young panda/mouse thing called Stuart. But instead of getting into several hilarious misadventures, he just sits around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 4 of 5
Page 4 of 5
Grizzly Panda

Grizzly Panda

Werner Herzog’s unflinching meditation on the untameable aloofness of nature is entertainingly compromised by his subject sitting around indifferently, eating bamboo shoots and not having sex.

Page 5 of 5
Page 5 of 5
Andy Lowe
Read more
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    1
    Anno 117: Pax Romana review: "Whether dealing with rivals through warfare or diplomacy, there's a great deal to like in this engrossing city builder"
  2. 2
    Arc Raiders review: "The most memorable multiplayer experiences I've had all year – this shooter is tense but wonderfully approachable"
  3. 3
    Battlefield Redsec review: "Ticks all the right boxes for a battle royale, but it's not especially unique"
  4. 4
    The Séance of Blake Manor review: "Like horror Clue come to life, this supernatural mystery against the clock is incredibly immersive"
  5. 5
    Hyrule Warriors: Age of Imprisonment review: "Zelda is a fantastic lead in this action-packed Tears of the Kingdom prequel, but boring missions hold the magic back"
  1. Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi in Predator: Badlands
    1
    Predator: Badlands review: "Die-hard fans may be disappointed, but as a blockbuster action-adventure, Badlands kills it"
  2. 2
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  3. 3
    Tron: Ares review: "Misses out by swapping the Grid for the real world"
  4. 4
    One Battle After Another review: "One of the best studio movies in years and an instant classic"
  5. 5
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  1. Rhea Seehorn as Carol Sturka, looking scared, in Pluribus.
    1
    Pluribus season 1 review: "Easily one of the year's best dramas"
  2. 2
    The Witcher season 4 review: "The Henry Cavill-less fourth season is the best yet"
  3. 3
    IT: Welcome to Derry review: "A supremely confident step back into the history of Stephen King's cursed town and killer clown"
  4. 4
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  5. 5
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