Even the most ardent Liverpool supporters will struggle with this own goal.
Orphaned schoolboy Will (Perry Eggleton) heads across land to Istanbul to watch his club play in the 2005 Champions’ League final – and not even fake tickets, thieving French kids and contrived plotting can stop him.
Like some cod-Dickensian fantasy, adult benefactors (like kindly landlord Bob Hoskins), pop up at every corner.
Even if cameos from LFC legends (including Kenny Dalglish) show our hero will never walk alone, director Ellen Perry gets the red card with an ill-advised detour to Bosnia.