Embarrassing game magazine covers

It took a couple decades, but you almost never see a game magazine cover featuring real life people, and with good reason. First off all, it doesn’t accurately represent the graphics you’ll encounter on any console, with thehorrendous exception of the Sega CD. Second, any human being dressed in a dignified manner that won’t laughably date your publication is far beyond the budget of any game magazine that ever existed.

Above: How do you make Sub-Zero even colder? Hire a steroidal actor!

Above: Ah, yes. The fabulous Fabio issue promoting Ironsword, for which EGM has apologized many times

Above: How did Nintendo get Mr. Griffey Jr. to pose on their mag? Easy! As the owners of the Seattle Mariners, Mario practically signs Ken’s paychecks

Is there anything JCVD can’t make awesome? As it turns out, yes, and it’s anything involving him dressed as Guile

Above: I’m sure some of our readers might actually know who this particular baseball star is, even if we don’t. Perhaps you can also explain why it looks like somebody digitally removed a couple of suspension wires to give him Smilin’ Superman effect

Above: More notable than Nintendo Power’s proclivity for live-action covers early on, this one received angry complaints from parents for, oh, the image of Dracula’s decapitated head!

Above: All three Mick Foley alter egos made it onto one of several August ’99 WWF issues, in a successful attempt to both frighten alienate an already niche audience

Above: Drooling Klan member, or the star of Sega’s ill-fated surprise Saturn ad campaign? The answer is: Whichever you think is funnier

Above: The most misleading thing about this cover is the implication that the SNES controller emits an explosion of sweat beads. Only in the hands of The Hulkster, we suppose…

Above: The only explanation we can think of for this cover is that some of the first art Midway released for MKII could’ve been the mocap actors mugging for the camera

Above: Nothing too strange outside of the fact that it may be the only game magazine cover in history to feature "Coldstone" Steve Austin making a wish on a pair of his opponents shattered testicles

Above: Okay, we could admittedly make an entire article based solely on wrasslin’ covers, but the “Actual PS2 Graphics” balloon is a great lead in to the next page…