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The Exorcist
The Bed: Pretty sturdy timber four poster effort.
Plus can cause sleepers to inexplicably levitate.
Comes with detachable restraints and padding (bonus), but is also generally pre-disposed to devil-possession.
Results in occupier having a propensity for potty mouthed behaviour, vomiting, and spine-cracking contortion.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
The Bed: Ornate, steel-framed double with lots of knobs.
Three taps and a turn of one of its golden knobs (ahem, yes) and you’re transported to wherever in the world (real or imagined) that your little heart desires.
Which is all well and good until your mates find out and decide to use you as an international taxi service.
Sleepless nights guaranteed.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
The Bed: Regular double with wooden headboard.
Haven’t you heard of a guy called Freddy? One, two, Freddy’s coming for you? Preys on kid’s dreams? No?
Poor old Johnny Depp learnt the hard way – he got sucked into his mattress and lacerated until he was nothing more than a fountain of blood.
Sing it with us: never sleep again, never sleep again...
The Haunting
The Bed: Ridiculously opulent carved affair replete with creepy cherubs.
We wouldn’t want those things watching us sleep, especially knowing that they become animated by CGI when scared.
Also heavily prone to ghostly activity: spirits sweep through the bed sheets, and the silly, extravagant head-rest turns itself into lethal prongs that cage any unlucky sleepers.
Plus? It looks like a church organ.
Oh, and did we mention the creepy cherubs?
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
The Bed: Gothic four poster.
This one is guilty of causing delirious nightmares (the kind of kooky minimalist trips that involve sitting in a dark room and being fed insects) before spewing out soapy suds that suck sleepers to their doom (we ain’t kidding).
Likes to laugh to itself, as well.
The Addams Family
The Bed: Too many to count... Bed of nails, the rack, Fester’s bunk.
Of them all, Fester’s is probably the worst.
When he’s not catching some zzz’s (and, no doubt, tetanus) on a nailbed, he’s getting lost in the voluminous folds of a smothering, doughy mattress that looks like it auditioning for a cameo in Death Bed 2 .
Not that it’d succeed; far too wooden.
The Burning Bed
The Bed: Eighties style single with jazzy covers.
To be fair, Mickey Hughes was sort of asking for it with this one, while the bed was a bit of an innocent bystander.
Guilty of raping his wife, Mickey rouses from his sleep to find himself well and truly aflame.
Revenge is sweet. Nothing like a woman scorned, kids.
