Go Firth and conquer
Haha! Didnt expect to see Darcy did you? Why is he here? Well get to that. Look, everyone and their dog has written about the PlayStation 4s new DualShock controller by now (you can read more about it in our PS4 review). The cat is out of the bag--the PS4 controller is a lovely piece of hardware. Im in the enviable position of having handled the little blue beast during two separate review events (Battlefield 4 and Assassins Creed 4 Black Flag) in October. Bottom line is that is feels awesome, and I really want one now.
However, you guys and girls deserve more detail, more description, more bodice-ripping tension and social commentary from this DualShock 4 editorial. Thats why, instead of just banging on about the touchpad, Ive channelled the spirit of Regency era English literary greats like Jane Austen, to present my thoughts in a more interesting, more aristocratic manner. I expect scandal to ensue, sirs.
Friday 11 October
Dear cousin, I have been summoned to the dark city of London by Lord Sony of The East to chaperone his young, impetuous daughter--Mistress DualShock 4. We are to attend the Black Flag ball at Viscount Ubisofts impressive estate, and from what I hear whispered among my contemporaries, this social event is apt to last in excess of three whole days. I must express my sincere apprehension at this venture. GamesRadar manor requires my constant attention at this time of year, and I do so loathe travel. However, one does not refuse an invitation from Lord Sony, no matter the circumstances, so I am to London forthwith. Yours, Sir Andrew Roland Fortescue Quentin Hartup, Esq, of GamesRadar Manor.
Monday 14 October
After a frightful journey, I am arrived in the shabby London backwater of Guildford. The town is filled with such frightful oiks, and Im forced to thrash the station porter with my cane for taking too keen an interest in my cabin bags. I am finally acquainted with Mistress DualShock at Viscount Ubisofts dwelling. She is a rather ugly specimen, to be frank cousin, but I am assured by some of the most notable figures in London that she is quite the darling of modern society.
She is deceptively different to her mother, Madame DualShock 3 (who--salacious gossip suggests--has been handled by an alarming number of persons over these past 6 years). The young DualShock 4 has more curvaceous triggers, and her thumbsticks appear a little more taught--I should very much like to wrap my fingers around them, but that would never do in polite society. However, most notable is the large panel that sits atop her surface. Im assured that its smooth to the touch, and the forthright Mistress DualShock assures me that it would be agreeable for me to run my thumb and forefinger across it. Ill admit to a certain pleasure from touching this panel, enhanced by the notion that it can be pressed gently too. I shall commence another epistle at the end of the day, to speak more of my interactions with this curious creature. Yours, etc.
Monday 14 October, evening
Its her responsiveness that impresses most, though, cousin. The way she moves when I instruct--I dare say her supple triggers and well-weighted thumbsticks will be the very talk of the nation afore the year is done. Why even her touchpad is quite the thing. It makes those awkward pauses between activity so much easier to manage. Despite my oft curmudgeonly nature I am most enchanted by Lord Sonys daughter. I am quite encouraged as I retire at the end of my first day. Yours expectantly, etc.
Tuesday 15 October
Following a less than agreeable sleep I am woke to the sound of the common man going about his business. The notion of manual labour arouses an amusing curiosity in myself, cousin, but none so strong as to cause me the forgetting of my privileged birth. I shall leave these drones to their labour, and attend on Mistress DualShock 4 forthwith. Yours, etc
Tuesday 15 October, evening
Another radiant day with the daughter of Lord Sony. I must admit, I have handled some notable controllers in my day, cousin, but none compare to this. While her triggers and thumbsticks have become but second nature to me, I have now made me accustomed to her more refined subtleties, such as the options button hidden betwixt touchpad and facebuttons. I see it has counterpart on the other side of the touchpad--a button for sharing of all things--and anxious as I was to sample its delights, I was informed by Viscount Ubisoft that I was unable to do so.
And despite the larger bearing of my fingers, I have found usage of Mistress DualShocks touchpad to be decidedly easy and useful. Why just today, I used it to study a map of the Caribbean, picking out various locations to visit with a simple swipe and touch of the pad. I was delighted to see that pinching allowed me to make a closer inspection of said map. Cousin, I am distinctly pleased upon taking this journey to London. Call me an impetuous gentleman, but I have a notion to ask Mistress DualShock 4 for her hand in pre-order. I feel so at ease with her. Tomorrow shall be the very best of days, I am assured. Yours, etc
Wednesday 16 October
I could sit and watch her cerulean blue connection light glow from dawn until dusk. We have so few secrets, her and I, although Lord Sony is yet to inform me just how long she may perform without rejuvination. Cousin, next week, we are to meet in Stockholm at the Battlefield 4 ball. I do hope Mistress DualShock 4 performs so admirable under these socially trying conditions. I am so filled with joy I should very much like to shoot a whole copse-full of badgers upon my return. Yours, etc
Thursday 24 October
While I found her pleasant company, I noted her upper triggers most unsuitable for use in Battlefield. They were too stiff and shallow, creating a frightful disconnect between themselves and the regular triggers. No, sir. I also keenly noted the absence of touchpad on Mistress Xbox One--she is most unfortunate to be without it. She is a fair maiden and will do great things in society, but shall not receive as hasty a pre-order from me, cousin. Yours, as always, Sir Andrew Roland Fortescue Quentin Hartup, Esq, of GamesRadar Manor.
First off, if you were expecting a deeply serious PS4 pad analysis, I can only apologise. Chances are, though, you've already seen and read a bunch of them. I mean, the guys in the US GamesRadar office have had a DualShock for a week or so now. However, I really hope you enjoyed the subtle criticism of the PS4 pad, hidden amongst the faux-Regency nonsense in each slide. It's all there.