Robots that don't make any sense

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The mechanized friends and foes that wouldn't even make it past Apple's discerning QA testing

Cut Man was designed for deforestation, which is interesting because he looks more like he was designed for stupid. There are better ways to deforest than with a jumping biped with scissors on his head. There are better ways to do anything than by putting the requisite tool onsomething's head, except maybe see in mines. Wait, scissors don’t even cut down trees to begin with. What the hell, Cut Man?

Paozo is an elephant robotthat throws a ball. A robot ball, probably.

Tabby is a giant cat robot which also throws balls. Balls of yarn. And fleas. Why are fleas on a robotic cat? Oh, because they’re…

ROBOT FLEAS, Which exist too, for some reason, and are apparently attracted to robot cats, for some reason.

This is taking too long. Here… just, here:

Clap Trap (Borderlands)

Clap Traps are probably supposed to have a purpose, but all they really do is dance around and fall over. They fall over a lot. Probably because they only have one wheel.


Above: The Clap Trap in the making-of videos does a lot more than any do in the game

Jack (Tekken)

Another Jack? Is that a popular robot name? Anyway, Jack is a fighting android created by the Mishima corporation, or the Soviets, maybe… depends on who you ask. He was built to kill Kazuya Mishima, who’s being backed by The Devil on a revenge mission against his dad, the owner of the Mishima corporation. Another Jack, Prototype Jack, is built to kill the original Jack and the upgraded Jack-2. Later, Jack-2, becomes friends with a girl named Jane, but he dies, so she makes a new one. Then Jane joins G Corporation makes another model to, again, kill Kazuya Mishima. At least, that’s what Wikipedia says. This all making sense?

Metal Sonic

There are a lot of stupid characters in the Sonic series, but Metal Sonic is pretty damn stupid. First of all, if you wanted to make something as fast as Sonic, why would it also have to look like Sonic? Rodents aren’t exactly known for their speed… couldn’t the robot be Emu or Cheetah shaped? Oh wait, he can transform… into a dragon-thing called Metal Overlord. What the hell is that about?


Above: Careful guys... he's got the letter 'M' on his side!

GlaDOS

We love the digital lady to death, but stop putting personality cores prone to malfunction in your robots, people.


Above: Whoever built this either never read 2001: A Space Odyssey, or read it way too much

Nintendo R.O.B.

Our good ol' Robotic Operating Buddy wasn't the best-looking robot, or the smartest, or the most useful, or really capable of anything worth doing, but in 1985, and through the eyes of a child, he was the future. Good thing he isn't, because if he were we'd still be using CRTs and gaming would be stupider than it already is. We still love you, though, R.O.B.!

Jul 15, 2010


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GamesRadarTylerWilde
GamesRadarTylerWilde
Associate Editor, Digital at PC Gamer