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If game developers quit the business and became shopkeepers instead

Bobby Kotick's sweet shop

Bobby should have a whole chain of sweet shops by now, but every time he acquires a new one to rebrand he closes it down within a week.

The Bethesda Mall

It's bloody huge in there, and there's a hell of a lot to buy, but much of the stock is shoddily put together and all the shopkeepers look the same.

Microsoft's Square Wheel Emporium

What's that? You have a bruised arse and it's taking you twice as long to get where you're going?That's abrand new experience only available via the magic of square wheels, that is.

Sony's shop of empty shelves

Sony's shop should be thriving, but they never switch the security cameras on and someone keeps forgetting to lock the back door at night.

Nintendo's Olde Franchise Shoppe

All top quality merchandise, but they haven't done a stock rotation in years.

Peter Molyneux's innovation store

"The most innovative products, provided to you in the most innovative ways possible." In truth it's basically just a shop, and nothing you're waiting on everseems to come in when they say it will. And thatJohn Cleese is such a pushy salesman.

June 16, 2011

Long-time GR+ writer Dave has been gaming with immense dedication ever since he failed dismally at some '80s arcade racer on a childhood day at the seaside (due to being too small to reach the controls without help). These days he's an enigmatic blend of beard-stroking narrative discussion and hard-hitting Psycho Crushers.