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How classic old games would be marketed today

Features

By David Houghton published 27 August 2009

Games from a gentler age given the sexy, cynical and psychotic modern day treatment

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As it was marketed in 1989

Ah, good old Tetris. Has there ever been a game with as rampant a one-more-go factor? Unless you count having a heavy crack habit as a game (instantly appealing gameplay, short lifespan, minimal replay value, 5/10) then the chances are, no. The constantly gratifying line destruction. The all-or-nothing tension of waiting for the long block to complete your meticulously-planned tetris. The increasing obsession with that much-needed geometry, that projects bricks onto the inside of your eyelids and haunts your every dream.

As it would be marketed now

CATEGORIES

PRODUCTS

New Super Mario Bros Tetris DS Super Mario Galaxy Metroid Prime 3: Corruption Tetris Evolution Mortal Kombat VS DC Universe Tetris Party - WiiWare Metroid Prime Trilogy Super Mario Galaxy 2 Metroid: Other M Duke Nukem 3D - Xbox Live Arcade Mortal Kombat II - PS3 Network Duke Nukem 3D

David Houghton

Long-time GR+ writer Dave has been gaming with immense dedication ever since he failed dismally at some '80s arcade racer on a childhood day at the seaside (due to being too small to reach the controls without help). These days he's an enigmatic blend of beard-stroking narrative discussion and hard-hitting Psycho Crushers.

Snake looks to an explosion in the distance

Sony was so desperate for video games and the PS1 to look "f***ing cool" that marketing execs say they'd take games to "places that were almost quite dangerous" to be "associated with alcohol, drug taking… anything"

Nintendo's iconic NES Zapper could have been called something else if "a third" of a housewife focus group hadn't walked out of a Duck Hunt preview: "No guns are coming in my house"

Rockstar "laughed at all the controversy" surrounding Bully's name before the cult classic open-world game launched: "They were freaking out over something they didn't really know anything about"

Vice: Magic City Mayhem listing image with characters in comic panels

I picture Rockstar and Nintendo lawyers locking eyes as one bold dev creates slick Zelda meets GTA action game Vice: Magic City Mayhem – "You ain't gettin nowhere without yo s***. Take this"

A mandate came in from the Rockstar head office," Bully artist recalls, and "the art team pretty much purged itself from the studio" – which ended up giving the cult classic "its own identity"

The US founding fathers embrace in the game Hong Kong 2097.

Proudly offensive Japanese video game receives sequel after 30 years in which players destroy hot dogs and Taylor Swift tacos in fictional "Amurikkka," and it's going straight to my wishlist

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