I've just met a dramatic washing machine in Date Everything that has the most incredibly rich voice. It's like velvet, and my heart is all aflutter as I listen to the sudsy fellow wax poetic about being "awash in the scurryings of life". I'd never thought about the plights of being a washing machine, but I've also never met one that looks like a handsome acrobat with long soapy tresses, and a well-toned physique. I can see his acrobatic form thanks to a trusty pair of "Dateviator" glasses that a mysterious person had delivered right to my doorstep by a drone. Having just lost my job as a remote customer service rep thanks to AI, I have no obligations to tend to, so what better way to spend my time than putting these curious shades to the test and flirting with some furniture?
Almost every object I can see in the house is a possible "dateable" character I can bring to life with my specs - from a fireplace to a fridge, and everything in between. Something inexplicably draws me to the washing machine early on, and that's how I meet and fall a little bit in love with Washford. I could listen to him talk all day, which is why I laugh out loud when a dialogue response lets me tell this dramatic washing machine he speaks so beautifully. It's clear that the Sassy Chap Games dev team are very much aware of the allure of his voice, and nothing could charm me more.
With just two hours to spend getting to know various household items in Date Everything, I'm already completely smitten with the dating sim. Not only is it packed with captivating personalities – and a healthy helping of humor and innuendo (that constantly has me giggling and blushing in equal measure) – but it's also got a lot of heart. You may be speaking to appliances and furnishings in your home, but all of their themes are very human. I'm already keen to explore the characters' stories further and see who else I'll meet when the June 17 release rolls around.
Looking for love
Sassy Chap Games' adventure may be called Date Everything, and the characters you meet may be known as "dateables", but you don't actually have to form romantic relationships if you don't want to. There are three possible relationship statues you can achieve with each character as you get to know them: Love, Friendship, and Hate. Any time you develop a bond with a character and achieve a new status, you'll earn yourself specific S.P.E.C.S points. These increase either your level of empathy, charm, sass, smarts, or poise (a little bit like the Persona 5 social stats), which can unlock unique responses.
I have no idea who sent the Dateviators to me or why they chose me (since I only have some anonymous messages from the person in question on my phone to go by), but the specs themselves come to life in the form of a pink-haired cutie called Skylar who gives me the lowdown on how they work, and what I can do with them. When I activate the glasses by putting them on with the TAB key, almost every object in the home is highlightable, which tells me they can be brought to life and engaged with. You can only speak to each object once per day, and you only have a set number of times you can use your Dateviators before you have to go to bed.
With so many potential paramours to meet and find in my home, I feel like Cupid in a Valentine's store. I hardly know where to begin, but thankfully there's a helpful gumshoe magnifying glass by the name of Maggie, who gives me some tips and introduces me to "Roomers" - which are essentially hints that help you find more dateables in the house.
With some clues at hand, I end up finding a vacuum cleaner tucked away in a cupboard, and after I put on my shades, I shoot out love hearts that transform the red dust buster into a rather dashing fellow called Henry Hoove. With all of the vacuum attachments decorating his belt, and one very dreamy smile, it's not long before I'm kicking my feet at his flirtatious puns and undeniable charm.
Getting to know you
Every character is beautifully brought to life in theme with the object they represent, and every single one of them has a unique personality and story to tell. Henry, for example, is very friendly, but he also seems to be married to his gig as the resident dirt defeater, and I quickly get the sense that there's more to him than meets the cheery eye. When he invites me to speak to him again the next day, I already feel compelled to just so I can learn more about him (and appreciate more of his puns).
In fact, I get a similar feeling about almost every character I interact with during my two hour stint in Date Everything, because each and every one has something going on, with a story thread to pursue. The dreamboat washing machine Washford I met in the beginning, for example, is clearly still hung up on his ex (the dryer played by Astarion actor Neil Newbon), while a toilet known as Jean Loo I speak to towards the end of my session has his own creative rapper dreams that he pulls me into.
I never know who I'll meet or what they'll hit me with next, but that's what makes Date Everything so darn entertaining. The diverse cast all have something to offer, and that they're brought to life by voice acting talent that's stacked to the rafters only makes them feel more fully realized.
I just know I'm going to fall in love with this dating sim
Sometimes the dateables will also be dealing with some difficulties, such as particular mental health issues, and their stories can explore some darker themes. But any time you encounter someone who may present you with a sensitive subject, you'll get a content aware warning which allows you to skip it if you don't want to engage. While Date Everything is wonderfully lighthearted at times, and outright playful with its humorous take on the dating sim genre, it can also get real on occasion, and the content aware feature is an important touch I really appreciate seeing.
With so many characters to meet and the different ways to bond, I've barely scratched the surface of the many dateables in Date Everything. I spent most of my time bringing to life as many objects as I could, from a brash troupe of himbo coat hangers all called Hank, to a food-loving fridge by the name of Freddy Yeti who I bonded with over pizza. But there is so much more to this house that I've yet to explore, and this short tease has only left me wanting more. I just know I'm going to fall in love with this dating sim, and I can hardly wait for its June 17 release. For now, I'll keep on dreaming of reuniting with the velvety-voiced washing machine every time I empty out my clothes basket.
Date Everything is set to come to PC, Xbox Series X/S, PS5, and Switch on June 17, 2025. See what other exciting releases our on the way in our roundup of new games for 2025.
