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Destroy All Humans! has some hilariously campy weapons

(Image credit: THQ Nordic)

There are few games as gleefully alien-tropey as Destroy All Humans! This remake of the original game casts you as Crypto-137, a bad-tempered grey alien hellbent on destroying all that is good and bizarre in 1950s America. 

And the arsenal he’s given for this task is a veritable checklist of classic alien weaponry that includes psychokinetic powers, retro-future tech and some, shall we say, more ‘invasive’ weaponry. 

Here’s our roundup of some of the best weapons in the game.

Brain Extract

(Image credit: THQ Nordic)

Crypto gains ability points by collecting DNA from human brain stems. You /can/ extract these from dead people, but with a few upgrades this ability becomes a lethal viral weapon unto itself. 

An upgraded brain extract can chain onto other humans once one’s head explodes, creating a domino splatter of brain matter capable of wiping out whole crowds of people.

Psychokinesis

Essentially this game’s answer to the gravity gun, psychokinesis lets you remotely pick up just about any object and hurl it through the air. From beach balls to chickens, by way of exploding zombie cows, you can turn any sensibly-sized object into a lethal projectile.

The best thing is that you can use psychokinesis at the same time as another weapon, seamlessly combining them to devastating effect.

Zap-o-Matic

(Image credit: THQ Nordic)

Where Doom Guy has a pistol, Crypto-137 has an electric ray gun capable of stunning and ultimately killing enemies. It’s not too lethal at first, but works nicely with psychokinesis, letting you stun enemies before you catapult them into oblivion.

Things get really fun when it upgrades, chaining onto several more enemies to turn them into a rabble of cattle-prodded ravers.

Anal Probe

One thing you quickly learn in Destroy All Humans! is that it’s about as subtle as referring to a prostate exam as, well, this thing right here.

The anal probe homes in on hapless victims like a bee to pollen, steadily draining humans of their health (and presumably will to live). Probed enemies run around in a panic, and upon upgrading the probe can jump from one enemy to the next, creating a chaotic scene of hilarity for you and humiliation for its victims.

Disintegrator Ray

(Image credit: THQ Nordic)

There’s a lot about Destroy All Humans! that reminds us of the movie Mars Attacks! - the most 90s throwback to 50s sci-fi ever conceived. One of the big similarities is the Disintegrator Ray, which sizzles the flesh right off of humans, leaving their skeleton standing there for a few seconds before it crumbles to ashes.

It’s actually one of the more powerful weapons in the game, but what really makes it a blast is that glorious death animation.

All that, and we haven’t even said anything about the jetpacks, jetskates and flying saucers that Crypto can use. So if you haven’t yet had the chance to unleash the campiest collection of sci-fi gadgetry on humanity, this remake is the perfect time to give it a go. 

You can buy Destroy All Humans! now on Steam.