7 reasons we're looking forward to the end of the world

5. Watching the moon crash into the planet (The Legend of Zelda: Majora%26rsquo;s Mask)

The rapture allegedly begins with an earthquake near New Zealand, a shake so powerful it travels around the world and destroys everything in its path. Sounds to us like something huge may actually collide with New Zealand and send shockwaves around the globe… no reason to think it won’t be our own moon, which has decided it’s lived in service of Mother Earth for far too long. And with no long-legged giants or tunic-wearing elves around to save the day, it looks like we’ll have to suffer through the impact and be forced to relive the last three days over and over. Oh god… that means Tingle could show up too…

6. Zombies in top hats (Darksiders)

If there’s anything last year’s Darksiders taught us, it’s that the coming apocalypse will leave Earth a bleak, depressing, demon-and-zombie-infested hellscape. But it also taught us that there’s still hope, because somewhere in that hellscape hides an effete British zombie who wants nothing more than to give us a good thrashing with his cane, throw some money our way and then disappear into his own top hat, no doubt leaving to delight zombie children elsewhere.

Other zombies, finally free of civilization’s constraints, are content to spend eternity moaning and shambling in half-naked disrepair. This existence holds no allure for the posh Wicked K, however, and so he’s done his best to maintain his gentlemanly trappings, which include a bow tie, pencil mustache, sturdy walking stick and cigarette holder (although we can’t imagine there are many cigarettes left to smoke in Darksiders). If Wicked K exists, there must be more like him somewhere out there, implying that our inevitable existence as cursed, undying ghouls wandering a post-Rapture world need not be one of endless flesh-eating horror. And if it is, well, at least we’ll still have top hats.

7. A return to nature's beauty (Enslaved)

We often think of post-apocalyptic worlds as barren, sepia-toned wastelands, where the environment has been sterilized by radioactive waste and only the most abominable of mutated creatures can survive. But if the blight called man is neatly stripped from the earth, either by the hand of God plucking up the righteous to ascend to heaven, or in the case of Enslaved, by an army of mechs programmed to wipe out the human race, then nature will be free to reclaim the earth that humankind has soiled and return it to beauty.

Whilst soaking in the majesty of a newly blossoming landscape, it's difficult to deny the morbid appeal of the peacefulness of a world without people. In Enslaved, the relentless cacophony of former NYC has been replaced with a quiet tranquility, where sounds are muffled by the lush overgrowth that's slowly but surely engulfing the harsh angles of civilization. The life of a post-apocalyptic survivor is brutally hard, what with the constant threat of murderous robots and the crushing reality that your entire family is either dead or enslaved, so you have to take your perks where you can get them. Having an entire world of rich, green splendor practically to yourself is definitely a bonus.

May 20, 2011

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