15 Movies For Secret Cinema

The Venue: Stringfellows, made up to look like Tony Montana’s Babylon nightclub

The Costumes: 80s vintage: loud shirts and medallions for the fellas, slinky low-cut dresses for the ladies.

The Events: Chainsaw-wielding thugs in the loos, tables full of blow (actually, Sherbet Dip), a pitched battle at the end of the show: machine guns versus 'little friend.'

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: There’s always one moron who thinks he’s actually Tony Montana. Avoid him.

The Venue: Aldwych tube station – on a full moon

The Costumes: Fangs. Decaying flesh. Yorkshire pub darts players.

The Events: Moon-themed soundtrack. A 'werewolf' on the loose in the tunnels. Vintage early 80s porno as the pre-film entertainment.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: An inebriated reveller deciding to pull down his pants to show their own 'full moon.'

The Venue: An army camp. All it'll need is a few tweaks to become a futuristic dictatorship.

The Costumes: Fascistic uniforms a go-go – but of course, you’ll have to become a citizen to earn one.

The Events: Extensive pre-screening propaganda and indoctrination: would you like to know more? Laser spotters handed out to the audience to target rogue bugs loose in the screening.

Scene That Could Spoil the Party: Laser blindness. Please aim low.

The Venue: A barge moored in the Thames.

The Costumes: Thatcherite aspiration. Basically, anything seen recently on Ashes to Ashes .

The Events: The audience members are ‘investors,’ so you’ll be wined and dined by gangland property developers. But look out below decks, where dissenters are strung up on meathooks. And there’s always the possibility of IRA hitmen in the crowd.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: The city slicker in the audience who momentarily forgets where he is and actually tries to make a deal with the live actors.

Venue: The Eden Project, Cornwall. Yes, let's get this show out of London.

The Costumes: Eco-friendly futurism. In other words, what a hippie thought space would look like.

The Events: Protect the forest by ‘jettisoning’ anti-green elements. Drinks served by robots.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: The pedant who points out that the carbon footprint of all the film buffs driving to Cornwall could have been avoided watching the DVD at home.

The Venue: In a school gymnasium, of course

The Costumes: In character – come dressed as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess or a criminal, according to taste.

The Events: You sit at a desk throughout. Proceedings begin with an exam on John Hughes' films, with prizes for the biggest 80s geek. Later, a dancing-on-tables contest.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: ‘Teachers’ will be giving lines to anybody who misbehaves. Well, this is detention.

The Venue: That school gymnasium, again – we’re looking at a double-bill here, folks.

The Costumes : Party frocks and ill-fitting tuxs.

The Events: An actual prom, building to a full-scale recreation of Carrie’s wig-out, with a (non-lethal) lightshow.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: Watch out for splashes of pig’s blood; it’ll never come off in the wash.

The Venue: The roof of Trinity Centre Multi-Storey Car Park, Gateshead (quick, before it’s demolished!)

The Costumes: Big collars, kipper ties and massive sideburns.

The Events: For Southeners, a day trip up north on a specially booked train. Lots of beer – round glasses only, sorry. A rooftop punch-up. And, if you answer one of the phones dotted about the car park, phone sex!

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: The film’s North/South divide breaks out for real.

The Venue: Hoxton Square, transformed into an outdoor Korova milk bar, serving milk plus and various other beverages.

The Costumes: Keep taking the Droogs – eyeliner, bowler hats, boiler suits.

The Events: The Square is patrolled by gangs of Droogs who will try and stop you getting in to the screening. Once you're in, the pre-film short is a Ludovico-esque brainwasher, 2010-style. We’re thinking they should get Adam Curtis in to guest direct.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: For God’s sake, vet the actors you hire as Droogs before the big night.

The Venue: The grounds of Haddon Hall, Derbyshire

The Costumes: Fairytale chic - princesses, swordsmen, giants. It'll be the Glasto of Secret Cinema events.

The Events: An on-stage bedroom set, framing the event as a story – gradually, the stage is invaded by all kinds of medieval duels and jousting and stuff.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: Any real-life Inigo Montoyas in the crowd might have a hard time refraining from seeking revenge on their enemies.

The Venue: Any decent-sized nightclub kitted out as Jack Rabbit Slims. This could easily be a multi-city showing.

The Costumes: 50s Americana fancy dress. Buddy Holly, Marilyn, Ed Sullivan - take your pick.

The Events: Steaks delivered straight to your table – choice of ‘burnt to a crisp’ or ‘bloody as hell.’ A twist contest. And – everybody be cool – a robbery. (Don’t worry, you’ll be given a fake wallet before things start!)

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: Somebody comes dressed as Ali G because they "already had the costume."

The Venue: Alexandra Palace, the nearest London has to a hireable venue that could pass as the Ruler of the Universe's lair.

The Costumes: Party time for the peoples of Mongo: treemen, hawkmen, lizardmen...ruled over by a pervert in a goatee and a bald cap.

The Events: An American football match in the crowd with emerald eggs. Arborial initiation ceremonies. A wedding live on stage – soundtracked by a Queen tribute band.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: Let’s put it this way... There really ought to be a ban on anybody shouting out, "Gordon’s alive!”

The Venue: Brighton beach, standing in for Amity Island's Independence Day celebrations.

The Costumes: Beachwear!

The Events: Telltale fins on the horizon and the odd staged crisis in the sea; while you watch the film, there’ll be an actual ‘Orca’ fishing vessel off the coast. Plus, a ‘guess the contents of the shark carcass' contest.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: The impressionable kids who go skinny-dipping – only to remember the hard way that this isn’t America and the water’s bloody freezing.

The Venue: A marquee overlooking the Houses of Parliament

The Costumes: Obligatory V face-mask. Optional shaved heads for the ladies.

The Events: An all-day street march through London, ending at the screening. And, of course, a massive fireworks display.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: This isn’t a real march, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be real police. Don’t provoke them.

The Venue: The Isle of Wight (with the best will in the world, if this was set on a Scottish island the film’s identity wouldn’t be secret for long. Besides, it’s that bit too far for London meejah folk.)

The Costumes: Optional – if you want to be all pagan and free, go ahead.

The Events: Maypole dancing. Sun worshipping. A menu of delicacies (‘toads,’ although we’re thinking something it’s really tofu or something). Oh, and that massive wicker statue next to the screen? Chances are it’s gonna burn.

Scene That Could Spoil The Party: Some eejit in a bear costume punching women for no good reason. Wrong film, doofus.