Arctic Tale review

The problem with David Attenborough documentaries is that it’s always so hard to figure out who are the good guys and who are the bad guys. Can you still root for the adorable, whale-attacked seal even after you’ve watched it maim an innocent penguin father of two? Anyhow, in this, another National Geographic film tie-in, you get to play as a polar bear, arctic fox and walrus, and must go on the hunt in a graphically poor snowy and icy environment. That’s it.

There’s only one reason to play this game. As a walrus or bear, you’re unable to hunt and kill the super-speedy arctic hares. The fox is the only animal quick enough to do it, and the moment of blood-spattering horror is denoted in-game by a noise that sounds like a heavyweight boxer pounding an opponent’s gut. Aw look, there’s another little bunny running across the BAM!!! Mummy, mummy, can we go and play with the cute little THWHAAACK!!! Look mummy, this one looks like Hazel from Watership BUHWHACKKKKKKKKO!!! Funny stuff. Awful game.

Mar 13, 2008