The Meme: A debonair raven, replete with top hat and cane, who likes nothing better than to advertise his wealth and good breeding through a series of pithy put-downs. Almost certainly votes Tory.
The Movie: Pixar’s next outing, in which our snooty, feathered hero (voiced by Alan Rickman) lords it over the rest of his avian brethren, before realising the error of his ways when a sickly but relentlessly cheerful sparrow (Jim Carrey at his most grating) crosses his path.
Key Scene: Rich Raven settles down in front of a party political broadcast to have a good old chuckle, as the next round of budget cuts put the boot into the luckless poor. Bad raven!
Socially Awkward Penguin
The Meme: A series of uncomfortable social situations, as narrated through the gleefully unflinching eye of the socially awkward penguin. You might think you have the world fooled, but the penguin knows all!
The Movie: Hapless loser Dan (Paul Rudd) can’t get a girl. The reason? Every time he bags himself a date he manages to balls it up by saying the wrong thing. That all changes though when he is visited by the socially awkward penguin (voiced by Bradley Cooper), a magical creature blessed with an incredibly perceptive sense of what’s hip. Hilarity ensues as he attempts to set Dan on the road to basic social competence.
Key Scene: An early date in which Dan somehow manages to trip up and stumble into every table in the restaurant. “Hahahaha,” laugh the audience. “The funny man fell over!” Box office gold.
The Meme: A paparazzi snap of Keanu innocently enjoying a quick bite to eat, in which he appears to be contemplating a profound sense of existential malaise. By which we mean he looks a bit sad.
The Movie: Keanu joins in on the joke, playing a version of himself in an alternate universe in which he never bagged the role of Neo. All washed up, and making guest appearances in Mexican soaps to make ends meet, Keanu turns in a showstopping performance in this moving tale of a man coming to terms with his mediocrity.
Key Scene: In a cruel twist of fate, the leading role in the Matrix trilogy goes to Keanu’s old mucker Alex Winter! Bogus, dude.
The Meme: Hello, what’s this? He’s only gone and cheered up, hasn’t he! In a rare example of the internet providing balance, this snap of Keanu on the set of indie-flick Generation Um proved he’s not always got a face on.
The Movie: The inevitable sequel to Sad Keanu in which our hero decides to take charge of his destiny and make something happen. He does this by brutally murdering Alex Winter, learning the script of The Matrix Reloaded by heart and turning up for filming in his place. When the studio realise they need a replacement sharpish, Keanu is hired. Result!
Key Scene: The face-off between Winter and Reeves, in which Keanu throttles his old co-star with one of his many plaid shirts. It’s how he would have wanted to go…
The Meme: A vintage-chic loving feline dispensing handy tips on how to keep your indie cool ticking over nicely.
The Movie: Adam Sandler plays the head designer of struggling alt-fashion label Urban Fail. Struggling to capture the imagination of the hoody-buying public, he strikes on an idea for a new gimmick: a Paul the Octupus style set-up in which he gets a cat to choose what’s hot and what’s not. However, just when he’s got an army of over-moneyed punters beating his door down, the Hipster Kitty is catnapped by rival designer James Franco. The quest to rescue the four-legged prophet is on!
Key Scene: Hipster Kitty decides that skinny jeans are out, causing frenzied celebrations among right-thinking people everywhere.
The Meme: Another know-it-all animal, this time a wolf, offering motivational (and often extremely violent) advice on how to achieve greatness.
The Movie: Former cage-fighter Max Risk (Dwayne Johnson) has dealt with retirement by setting himself up as a motivational speaker catering to the shy, frail and downright cowardly of America. Dubbing himself “The Courage Wolf”, he arrives at the school of nerdish loser Jesse (Jesse Eisenberg) to do an anti-drugs talk entitled “Just Say No….By Punching!” Recognising a real challenge when he sees one, Courage Wolf takes young Jesse under his wing and sets about teaching him how to get the girl and beat the bullies. All does not go smoothly, to predictably comic effect…
Key Scene: Jesse attempts one of Max Risk’s finishing moves on an angry bully, dislocating his own shoulder in the process.
Baby Courage Wolf
The Meme: Naff spin-off in which the son of Courage Wolf churns out junior versions of his pa’s motivational tips.
The Movie: Naff spin-off in which Courage Wolf decides to send his son to the very same high-school where he met Jesse. None of the original cast return for this shambolic teen-movie sequel, in which Courage Wolf Jr. befriends a nerdy loner in a joyless retread of the original plot.
Key Scene: A chilling post-credits banner reading “Courage Wolf will return in Courage Wolf 3: Take Pride ”. “Pride”…geddit? Never mind.
The Meme: Courage Wolf taken to his inevitable conclusion, Insanity Wolf goes the whole hog by instructing his followers to rape and kill. Charming.
The Movie: Dwayne Johnson returns to the franchise in this straight-to-DVD B-movie in which Courage Wolf has gone off the rails, becoming an ultra-violent vigilante hunting those who have not maximised their own greatness. Courage Wolf Jr. realises dad’s gone too far, and must track him down before the killing gets, you know, excessive.
Key Scene: Blood all over his hands, a middle-aged Max Risk stares into the mirror wondering how it came to this. Johnson’s eyes betray that he’s thinking the same thing.
The Meme: The original self-help animal, the advice dog specialises in dud advice and barely coherent nonsense. Handy little chap isn’t he?
The Movie: Social misfit Herman (Steve Carell) is astounded when Rex, his only friend in the world, starts giving him pointers on how to live his life. Being a fairly trusting soul, Herman carries out all the instructions verbatim and finds himself coming out of his shell. However, when Rex starts instructing him to kill people, things take a turn for the macabre…Is it all in his head, or is Rex truly the canine manifestation of the devil?
Key Scene: Having been captured and locked in an asylum, a friendly guard takes pity on poor Herman. “I’ve brought you a special visitor” he says kindly. Cue the pitter-patter of four familiar paws….screen fades to black as Herman screams and Rex barks.
The Meme: Old green-skin channels a wave of righteous indignation towards the perils of cohabitation. Like an angry post-it note in meme form.
The Movie: An odd-couple pairing of slacker Jonah Hill and uptight clean-freak Andrew Garfield are stuck together when they’re forced to share a room at college. Driven to his wits end by his roommate’s slobbishness, Garfield gets a little careless in the science lab, accidentally transforming himself into The Lunk, a giant green ball of rage. All hell breaks loose on screen, whilst Marvel file a lawsuit and Garfield is ditched as Spiderman. Oops.
Key Scene: The Lunk smashes through the front door, only to find Jonah knocking one out in front of daytime TV. Hulk smash indeed…
Magnets. How Do They Work?
The Meme: An internet frenzy followed the release of Miracles by idiot-rap purveyors, and apparent science-phobes Insane Clown Posse. The line “Fucking magnets…how do they work?” is the stupidest in a crowded field of very stupid lyrics…
The Movie: We would suggest something about the ICP bumbling around trying to work out how to wipe their own arses whilst singing “fucking bog roll, how does that work?”, but there’s no need. They already made a movie that looks much worse. Big Money Rustlas is a Western-spoof that went straight to DVD in August of this year, and from the look of the trailer , it’s far, far worse than any of our suggestions on this list.
Key Scene: Ian McKellen turns up on loan from Marvel as Magneto, who shows ICP just how magnets work by hitting both Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope in the crotch with them.
Technologically Impaired Duck
The Meme: A hapless canard who doesn’t know his Windows 7 from his Adobe Acrobat, and can’t even begin to work an iPhone. Wait, isn’t that true of most ducks?
The Movie: A long-awaited sequel to the much maligned Howard The Duck , in which Howard manages to bag himself a job at Apple, and sets about bringing the global technology giant to its knees through his relentless buffoonery. “Howaaaaaaaard” booms R Lee Ermey as his perma-furious boss…
Key Scene: Howard is charged with creating a new birdwatching app for the iPhone. But ho-ho-ho, the cheeky critter comes up with a device for spying on women rather than a family-friendly ornithology guide. All together now, “Howaaaaaaaaard!”
The Meme: A pun-tastically named dinosaur who adopts a pose akin to Rodin’s thinker as he mulls over the issues that matter, such as how much wood a woodchuck really would chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
The Movie: A Jurassic Park spin-off in which exterminators have been hired to wipe out the last of Dr. Hammond’s dinoes. However, one raptor is found to possess the power of human speech. All sorts of evolutionary issues arise as the “clever girl” is transported back to New York for a televised debate with Richard Dawkins (Charlton Heston) and the Pope (appearing as himself). Sadly, her killer instinct takes over as soon as the cameras begin rolling, leading to a bloodbath on live TV.
Key Scene: “Get your claws off me you damned dirty dino” shrieks Dawkins as he suddenly starts hoping he was wrong about God after all…
Foul Bachelor Frog
The Meme: A funny little frog recounting some of the various unfortunate habits of the bachelor. Stop giving away our secrets, frog!
The Movie: A Meet The Feebles -esque puppet show in which Foul Bachelor Frog (voiced by Russell Brand) enjoys various disgusting misadventures with his pals Bad Personal Hygiene Bear and Sexually Deviant Snake. John Waters signs on to direct this cavalcade of bawdiness set in the animal kingdom.
Key Scene: A controversial scene of inter-species nookie between an elephant and a dormouse. Waters defends it on the grounds that he’s making a point against fascism. A nation scratches its head…
The Meme: A parrot, who’s fairly paranoid about things. These aren’t exactly created by rocket scientists you know.
The Movie: Buddy-cop barminess ahoy as rookie cop Steve Zahn is partnered with Paranoid Parrot, a particularly gifted sniffer-parrot with an unfortunate tendency to assume everyone’s out to get him. The intrepid duo are out to find Vince Vaughan’s wise-cracking drug dealer, and his sidekick Trusting Turtle, Paranoid Parrot’s polar opposite and sworn enemy.
Key Scene: Steve offers Paranoid Parrot a cracker, only for his feathered friend to spit it all over the car when he thinks he can taste poison. Oh Paranoid Parrot! You are a one…
The Meme: Tired of looking to the animal kingdom for life coaching? Looks like Success Kid is for you. With his curled lip and clenched fist, he’s a toddler who gets things done.
The Movie: A rehashed take on the Look Who’s Talking series, Rob Schneider voices the ballsy-toddler who can’t help but give hopeless single dad Luke Wilson a piece of his mind. Luke would love to get back with his ex-wife you see, but she’s shacked up with a successful high-flyer, whilst Luke can barely pay the bills. Time for Success Kid to whip him into shape.
Key Scene: Wilson manages to get a date back to his flat, only for Success Kid to ruin it by making an unfortunate remark about the lady’s bottom. He wants him mum back you see, and noone else will do…
The Meme: A stuffed pooch with a look on dread in his poor, dead eyes. Paired with various depressing scenarios though, he becomes hilarious! We can’t help feeling there’s something wrong about this…
The Movie: A CGI-tastic toon-fest in which poor, miserable Depression Dog tries to learn the meaning of true happiness when a cuddly All-American family take him in off the streets one Christmas. However, when his continual moping is still going on on Boxing Day, he’s back out on the street again, where it turns out he was happiest all along! The moral here kids, is that if you’re miserable you should keep it to your bloody self.
Key Scene: Depression Dog urinates all over the presents, resulting in one very soggy Furby…
Ya Dun Goofed
The Meme: This is the disturbing tale of tween-blogger Jessi Slaughter, whose scene-queen online posing lead to a barrage of internet abuse. When her Dad launched an ill-judged tirade against those responsible, his quip of “Ya Dun Goofed”, and threats to tell the “cyber police” only attracted more web-based ridicule…
The Movie: Cyber Police: The Movie ! Tired of internet-based pranksters running riot, moustachioed lawman Mac Slaughter (Tom Selleck) sets up a crack squad of cyber-cops specialising in “backtracing” internet felons and ensuring that “consequences will never be the same”. Think before you comment, people…
Key Scene: A cameo from the real Old Man Slaughter, in which he reels out his catchphrase, “Ya dun goofed” to hilarious effect.